I never saw it coming but recent life actions have taken me in a full circle .. or back to square one as some would say.
Circle, square, triangle - I don't care what you call it but there's no denying that our lives are shaped - shaped by our decisions, our attitude, our actions - and also by the decisions, attitude and actions of others.
My son is now back with me full time because of choices he made - and subsequently choices and decisions that his father made - to which I was a spectator on the side having to go with the programme.
The irony is, when I look back at my past entries of how hard it was to step back and let my son "go" when we made the decision for him to spend more time living with his dad and how much I struggled with being alone and no longer having to do the daily "mum" jobs, that it was at that point - the point when I finally found ways to fulfill those alone moments and to enjoy my "me" time - that my son came back to me full time and the ME moments had to be put on hold.
At first I thought it was very unfair that a decision was made by others to which, under the circumstances, I had to just go along and accept it and readjust my life once again. It was unfair because I was being sent back to square one - full time motherhood with no time for me. It was so unfair because I had finally found time for doing things I enjoyed.
However, after that first week of back to early mornings, lunchboxes, sit down dinners and ironing uniforms I felt an utter satisfaction of "this is my life". I had come full circle to the place I had been at before but this time with a greater appreciation for my role as a mother. I had missed the simple daily activities of mumhood and interactions with my son.
As I had acknowledged in one of my earlier entries "Who Am I" - I will always define myself as MUM. The only difference was I was holding a job title for a post that had been made redundant ... but now I am re-employed.
The beauty of this circular journey is that I actually learned a thing or two along the way because I had listened to the lessons that I discovered - "Let It Be" and "Believe". I had learned to step back and trust in others. I had resigned to having absolute control and had accepted that sometimes we can't do everything on our own. I had learned to ask for help. I had learned to accept the help of others.
I had also learned how to enjoy myself outside of my role as a mother.
These Life Lessons taught me how to be a better mother.
My patience has returned. I am better able to handle the challenging situations and realize that I do have the strength to cope. I have also learned that if it gets too tough I have to admit it. However, one of the best things that I learned is not to lose myself. Yes, my personal time is extremely limited once again - but I had a taste of it and I didn't want to lose it - so I make sure that I find ways to incorporate those little enjoyments into my routine as a mum - such as time with my friends going to an exercise class or swim at the community pool. I have found that the times when I feel least like going to an exercise class because I am overtired, stressed and have a mountain of laundry to climb is the time that I need to do it most.
The act of putting my needs first is rewarding. As I explained to one of my friends the exercise classes or swims become rewarding on multiple levels - we have something to look forward to before we go, when we are there we feel the physical and mental benefits associated with exercise, and when we leave we have a personal sense of accomplishment that carries us through to the next class.
It took being alone to discover this.
I would have stayed stuck in my "poor me" rut had my son not gone to live with his dad but now instead of saying "poor me" as I try to juggle a full time job and motherhood on a single income - I have discovered that pockets of "Yeah Me" goes a long way in keeping the daily ugh stuff in balance.
"Yeah Me!" - I am so lucky. My life is a heaping bowl of Chocolate Pudding. I have my son back with me - which is a role I cherish but along the way I have discovered 'me' joys that now help keep my life balanced.
Yes, I am back to Square One but by going Full Circle and finding my way to that first stepping stone I have been given a second chance. How wonderful to be given an opportunity to go back in time and start that journey all over again but with an ounce more of Wisdom, Patience, Courage and Serenity.
So the Lesson I have learned is that sometimes what may seem like a step backwards - a return to square one - going full circle ... is in fact a positive thing ... it is a chance to do it all over again but this time BETTER!
CPM to you today.
x
Sun
Yours Truly
An appreciation for chocolate from an early age
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Lifting Spirits
It doesn't take much to lift the spirit of another person but its effects are far reaching. It may only be a smile to a stranger on a bench, really listening to the never ending story of a chatty child ... or forgiving a teenager (when they least expect it) for messing up .. again!
Recently I started filling my free time with rediscovering enjoyable activities such as reading, writing and painting .. and I even joined a Zumba class! I felt like I was 20 again :) It brought me so much joy to finish another book or to learn a new dance step .. doing things for me!!! I wasn't use to that concept. But what was more rewarding was to hear the appreciation and joy I brought to others - from sending a simple post card or hand written letter, spending time for a cup of tea or turning a brown paper bag into a trick or treat master piece with my 5 year old nephew.
Little things ... small actions and words that lift the spirits of others .. but in turn give me that warm sense of chocolate pudding moment satisfaction.
I have been so kindly and wonderfully blessed by others .. I know I may not be able to pass on the kindnesses financially or materialistically but I know that I can show my gratitude by passing on the same spirit of kindness in my every day living.
Here's to savouring those Chocolate Pudding Moments in your day .. and then remembering to pass them on to lift the spirits of those around you.
Recently I started filling my free time with rediscovering enjoyable activities such as reading, writing and painting .. and I even joined a Zumba class! I felt like I was 20 again :) It brought me so much joy to finish another book or to learn a new dance step .. doing things for me!!! I wasn't use to that concept. But what was more rewarding was to hear the appreciation and joy I brought to others - from sending a simple post card or hand written letter, spending time for a cup of tea or turning a brown paper bag into a trick or treat master piece with my 5 year old nephew.
Little things ... small actions and words that lift the spirits of others .. but in turn give me that warm sense of chocolate pudding moment satisfaction.
I have been so kindly and wonderfully blessed by others .. I know I may not be able to pass on the kindnesses financially or materialistically but I know that I can show my gratitude by passing on the same spirit of kindness in my every day living.
Here's to savouring those Chocolate Pudding Moments in your day .. and then remembering to pass them on to lift the spirits of those around you.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Chillin' and Glowworms
There is something to be said for doing absolutely nothing .. otherwise known as chillin' ....
We get so caught up in the busyness of trying to catch up with friends, help out family, juggle jobs and responsibilites that we often forget that it is totally okay to just do nothing - to be still and quiet - to not talk on the phone, to text for hours or go on facebook or watch tv .. but to just sit and stare at the space around us ... to look out to the ocean or to lie under a tree and stare up at the sky.
It is okay just to be.
In Bermuda there is a phenomena that is known as the Glowworms ... 3 nights after the full moon and 56 minutes after sunset is the peak of this ocean mating ritual that brings swirls and streams of phosphorus to the surface as the glowworms mate and die. This is best seen away from manmade light in dark quiet coves. Tomorrow Monday July 18th is the next date but they have already started.
Watching this clockwork timing by nature is amazing ... and worth making the effort to put down all the gadgets, remotes and media cyber junky distractions and just find a quiet spot near the water's edge to sit and just chill while the Glow Worms perform their show.
Here's to "chillin' " - the best way to beat the summer heat and hoping you can find some time to cherish those moments of awe provided for you free by Mother Nature.
We get so caught up in the busyness of trying to catch up with friends, help out family, juggle jobs and responsibilites that we often forget that it is totally okay to just do nothing - to be still and quiet - to not talk on the phone, to text for hours or go on facebook or watch tv .. but to just sit and stare at the space around us ... to look out to the ocean or to lie under a tree and stare up at the sky.
It is okay just to be.
In Bermuda there is a phenomena that is known as the Glowworms ... 3 nights after the full moon and 56 minutes after sunset is the peak of this ocean mating ritual that brings swirls and streams of phosphorus to the surface as the glowworms mate and die. This is best seen away from manmade light in dark quiet coves. Tomorrow Monday July 18th is the next date but they have already started.
Watching this clockwork timing by nature is amazing ... and worth making the effort to put down all the gadgets, remotes and media cyber junky distractions and just find a quiet spot near the water's edge to sit and just chill while the Glow Worms perform their show.
Here's to "chillin' " - the best way to beat the summer heat and hoping you can find some time to cherish those moments of awe provided for you free by Mother Nature.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wisdom
Wisdom is one of those attributes that goes hand in hand with experience.
Usually it is the result of an experience that makes us reflect on our attitude, thoughts, words and actions ... and more often than not that reflection carries a sense of "should have - could have" regrets.
We ponder the things we said and did and wonder what would have happened had we chose a different path or course of action.
Life is full of these daily reminders that our choices are often spontaneous and reactionary.
Life happens and we happen back.
That's where you start understanding why the old adage of "Wisdom comes with Age". As you get older your Life experiences increase, become more far reaching and cross bridges that you never thought possible.
It is so very easy to think you have the answers to others' challenges or problems - but we don't because everyone's walk is different. Even for those who have had similar journeys - the elements of that journey are still very individual - so we can never truly understand or appreciate another person's story - though we can certainly be empathetic.
When we reflect on our own experiences and journeys - it is so easy to rewrite the script in your head as to how you think it should have been.
When Life presents you with a similar script it is amazing how often we forget that we have read this one already and forget the lessons learned when it comes to our own lives but can so readily recognize it in someone else's life and think we have the answers as to how they can rewrite the script to change the ending.
Wisdom is recognizing when you find yourself crossing the same bridge and use your past experience to determine which fork in the road you will choose.
Wisdom is using what you have learned to avoid returning to the same bridges.
Wisdom is understanding that you cannot change the past.
Wisdom is appreciating that the experience was a necessary part of the journey in order for you to learn and figure out the map ahead.
Wisdom is realizing that the journey is different for everyone but that the paths we choose will cross, diverge or join.
Wisdom is thinking before action.
Wisdom is sharing the journey.
Wisdom is humble.
I wish for you enriching experiences to nurture your wisdom.
CPM to you.
sun
Usually it is the result of an experience that makes us reflect on our attitude, thoughts, words and actions ... and more often than not that reflection carries a sense of "should have - could have" regrets.
We ponder the things we said and did and wonder what would have happened had we chose a different path or course of action.
Life is full of these daily reminders that our choices are often spontaneous and reactionary.
Life happens and we happen back.
That's where you start understanding why the old adage of "Wisdom comes with Age". As you get older your Life experiences increase, become more far reaching and cross bridges that you never thought possible.
It is so very easy to think you have the answers to others' challenges or problems - but we don't because everyone's walk is different. Even for those who have had similar journeys - the elements of that journey are still very individual - so we can never truly understand or appreciate another person's story - though we can certainly be empathetic.
When we reflect on our own experiences and journeys - it is so easy to rewrite the script in your head as to how you think it should have been.
When Life presents you with a similar script it is amazing how often we forget that we have read this one already and forget the lessons learned when it comes to our own lives but can so readily recognize it in someone else's life and think we have the answers as to how they can rewrite the script to change the ending.
Wisdom is recognizing when you find yourself crossing the same bridge and use your past experience to determine which fork in the road you will choose.
Wisdom is using what you have learned to avoid returning to the same bridges.
Wisdom is understanding that you cannot change the past.
Wisdom is appreciating that the experience was a necessary part of the journey in order for you to learn and figure out the map ahead.
Wisdom is realizing that the journey is different for everyone but that the paths we choose will cross, diverge or join.
Wisdom is thinking before action.
Wisdom is sharing the journey.
Wisdom is humble.
I wish for you enriching experiences to nurture your wisdom.
CPM to you.
sun
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann (1872 - 1945)
This is such a beautiful poem. I forgot how much it helped me make it through past challenging times when love seemed to be a fickle notion. On my way to the post office a few days ago, one of my friend's daughters was at the bus stop having just missed her school bus, so I gave her a ride. She pulled out the poem and told me she has to learn it for school - so I had her read it to me while I drove. Hearing it again, I knew I had to post it for others to read because the layered messages are timeless and golden ... just like the sound of silence and the pursuit of happiness.
It speaks volumes to me about living life true.
Enjoy!
DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
It speaks volumes to me about living life true.
Enjoy!
DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Who Am I?
When you were younger did an adult ever give you that finger wagging eye popping reprimand of "Excuse me missy, just who do you think you are?!" when you may have spoken out of place?
... well, time to answer ..who do you think you are?
Now that my son is spending more nights with his dad I have discovered that I have been tackling the question of "Who am I?".
For the past 15 years I have defined myself as "Mum"....
... and not just to my child as many of my friends know.
Now instead of making supper, packing lunch boxes and ironing school uniforms, my son is with his dad and I find myself challenged to change my school night routines to caring just for me. The first night I just sat and literally stared at a wall (or the interior equivalent on a boat). I had eaten, cleaned up and was in my pjs all by 7pm for the first week... and struggling to stay awake to a normal adult bedtime!
Tonight is the first night of daylight savings and it has helped a little by giving me time to go for a walk. But I dreaded going home to an empty boat and being alone so I walked about twice as long as normal. On my walk I saw a large group of other marina tenants at the local pub sitting outside laughing and chatting. I kept my head down and kept walking as I felt like an outsider....like someone who wasn't invited to the party and is staring through the frosty window feeling ostracized.
I know that is not their faults or intent .. but it is my perception of me because I have spent the past decade and a half defining my life by my role as a parent and have never felt like part of that social setting.
Last night my son was chatting on the phone to his best friend who had gone to a class mate's house to work on a school project .. but it had turned into a social gathering and my son said he could hear them all happy in the background and felt so left out.
I know exactly how he feels.
Is it because we have created an isolated life for ourselves by our lifestyle choices?
Is it because I am single with a child but most of my friends are married with several children and most of my neighbours are just single or without children? I don't know any other mums who I can say are like me ... divorced, single, one teenage son .. self employed and live on a boat. Even without the latter two .. having common traits with friends often is the reason you connect and do shared activities. And for my son, a similar scenario - all of his friends have siblings, live in two income homes, etc, etc ..
My son asked me today how I would describe him over the phone to someone who didn't know him ... I gave my reply (a very lengthy one of course) .. and then asked the same of him. His response was surprisingly flattering - "a hippy chick", "artsy" and another loving description that eludes me at the moment .. but nonetheless, it fascinated me that this was the same child who just a few days ago described me as "annoying". :)
Do we define ourselves by how others perceive us then?
Do we define ourselves by the roles we fulfill?
Do we define ourselves by our relationships with others?
Do we define ourselves by our lifestyle choices or cultural heritage?
I have been referred to by others as my parents' daughter, my siblings' sister, the potter's wife, my son's mum.
I have been called the travel agent, the pottery owner, the boat lady, a Somerset gal, country girl, nature person, goody two shoes, Mother Theresa, environmental activist, revolutionary!!!! ..
People have asked if I am South African, British, Australian, American, etc . because they cannot place my accent or the fact that I am a fair skinned, blue eyed Bermudian.
Why does anyone else really care .. and if I don't know who I am then how can they?
Who we are is not a simple answer because we are complex beings with multifaceted lives. I have to not let myself be pigeon holed, labelled or defined by others.
I have to find the definition of ME in me. ... and me is not the person sitting at the pub laughing nor the loner on the outside looking in ..
For now, the who I am that is most important to me is the Me called Mum.
Who Am I? Just ME .. and that's all I need to be. :)
How do you define YOU?
CPM to you.
cheers
xo ME
... well, time to answer ..who do you think you are?
Now that my son is spending more nights with his dad I have discovered that I have been tackling the question of "Who am I?".
For the past 15 years I have defined myself as "Mum"....
... and not just to my child as many of my friends know.
Now instead of making supper, packing lunch boxes and ironing school uniforms, my son is with his dad and I find myself challenged to change my school night routines to caring just for me. The first night I just sat and literally stared at a wall (or the interior equivalent on a boat). I had eaten, cleaned up and was in my pjs all by 7pm for the first week... and struggling to stay awake to a normal adult bedtime!
Tonight is the first night of daylight savings and it has helped a little by giving me time to go for a walk. But I dreaded going home to an empty boat and being alone so I walked about twice as long as normal. On my walk I saw a large group of other marina tenants at the local pub sitting outside laughing and chatting. I kept my head down and kept walking as I felt like an outsider....like someone who wasn't invited to the party and is staring through the frosty window feeling ostracized.
I know that is not their faults or intent .. but it is my perception of me because I have spent the past decade and a half defining my life by my role as a parent and have never felt like part of that social setting.
Last night my son was chatting on the phone to his best friend who had gone to a class mate's house to work on a school project .. but it had turned into a social gathering and my son said he could hear them all happy in the background and felt so left out.
I know exactly how he feels.
Is it because we have created an isolated life for ourselves by our lifestyle choices?
Is it because I am single with a child but most of my friends are married with several children and most of my neighbours are just single or without children? I don't know any other mums who I can say are like me ... divorced, single, one teenage son .. self employed and live on a boat. Even without the latter two .. having common traits with friends often is the reason you connect and do shared activities. And for my son, a similar scenario - all of his friends have siblings, live in two income homes, etc, etc ..
My son asked me today how I would describe him over the phone to someone who didn't know him ... I gave my reply (a very lengthy one of course) .. and then asked the same of him. His response was surprisingly flattering - "a hippy chick", "artsy" and another loving description that eludes me at the moment .. but nonetheless, it fascinated me that this was the same child who just a few days ago described me as "annoying". :)
Do we define ourselves by how others perceive us then?
Do we define ourselves by the roles we fulfill?
Do we define ourselves by our relationships with others?
Do we define ourselves by our lifestyle choices or cultural heritage?
I have been referred to by others as my parents' daughter, my siblings' sister, the potter's wife, my son's mum.
I have been called the travel agent, the pottery owner, the boat lady, a Somerset gal, country girl, nature person, goody two shoes, Mother Theresa, environmental activist, revolutionary!!!! ..
People have asked if I am South African, British, Australian, American, etc . because they cannot place my accent or the fact that I am a fair skinned, blue eyed Bermudian.
Why does anyone else really care .. and if I don't know who I am then how can they?
Who we are is not a simple answer because we are complex beings with multifaceted lives. I have to not let myself be pigeon holed, labelled or defined by others.
I have to find the definition of ME in me. ... and me is not the person sitting at the pub laughing nor the loner on the outside looking in ..
For now, the who I am that is most important to me is the Me called Mum.
Who Am I? Just ME .. and that's all I need to be. :)
How do you define YOU?
CPM to you.
cheers
xo ME
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Trial by Fire
So I was last seen wallowing in self pity and struggling to find a CPM during a very tough time.
I believe this is what is commonly known as Faith.
My mum used to say "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
She was right .. it is that inexplicable proof that holding on to a belief that it will get better usually becomes evident after the fact .. but until such time you just have Faith that it will.
Such was our story.
I realize that the place I am in now is 10 times better than where I have been for the past 10 years -from an emotional and communicative perspective - especially in my role as a mother and in my views of myself as a divorcee.
However, I also acknowledge, as do others involved in the recent personal challenges we have experienced, that we would realistically not be in this healthier and more manageable position had we not gone through our trial by fire.
Bottom Line - life sucks sometimes and it gets pretty messy, ugly and really hard .. but you can't just walk away.
Like I said before - you reach a point of helplessness and realize that you have to ask for help and let the rest just be.
You have to hold on to Faith. You have to Believe. You have to look for those chocolate pudding moments just to keep you positive.
I would not have wished my challenges on anyone but I am utterly grateful for this Trial by Fire that helped burn away old misconceptions and assumptions and gave birth to our new beginning.
I feel like a new chapter has just been started on my Life Journey .. and one day I will fill you in on the story.
Thanks for letting me share.
Sometimes our CPMs are disguised as challenges and trials .. but when you look back on those times - they have often brought about significant changes that may not have otherwise occured.
Appreciating the tough stuff is just as important as celebrating the obvious rewarding moments.
CPM to you .. and remember if you are experiencing life's challenges - it may just be preparing you for something better.
cheers
sun :)
I believe this is what is commonly known as Faith.
My mum used to say "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
She was right .. it is that inexplicable proof that holding on to a belief that it will get better usually becomes evident after the fact .. but until such time you just have Faith that it will.
Such was our story.
I realize that the place I am in now is 10 times better than where I have been for the past 10 years -from an emotional and communicative perspective - especially in my role as a mother and in my views of myself as a divorcee.
However, I also acknowledge, as do others involved in the recent personal challenges we have experienced, that we would realistically not be in this healthier and more manageable position had we not gone through our trial by fire.
Bottom Line - life sucks sometimes and it gets pretty messy, ugly and really hard .. but you can't just walk away.
Like I said before - you reach a point of helplessness and realize that you have to ask for help and let the rest just be.
You have to hold on to Faith. You have to Believe. You have to look for those chocolate pudding moments just to keep you positive.
I would not have wished my challenges on anyone but I am utterly grateful for this Trial by Fire that helped burn away old misconceptions and assumptions and gave birth to our new beginning.
I feel like a new chapter has just been started on my Life Journey .. and one day I will fill you in on the story.
Thanks for letting me share.
Sometimes our CPMs are disguised as challenges and trials .. but when you look back on those times - they have often brought about significant changes that may not have otherwise occured.
Appreciating the tough stuff is just as important as celebrating the obvious rewarding moments.
CPM to you .. and remember if you are experiencing life's challenges - it may just be preparing you for something better.
cheers
sun :)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Let It Be
How do you find a CPM in your day when the bowl seems completely empty and the sides have been licked clean but it wasn't you who got to lick the bowl?
Well those are the times when you need them most. When Life (as it has a way of doing) kicks you in the butt, frowns on you, dumps you with challenges you never thought imagineable ... it is in those times that you have to BELIEVE that another bowl of pudding will be there when you need it most.
If you believe in the little things - the cpms - then you will find them.
These past few weeks I think someone must have got their spoon in my bowl and left me just the scrapings on the edge .. but somehow in my darkest hour I was still able to stick my finger in there and get my fair share of the pudding.
This past week I had to make a very difficult decision that brought me to the depths of grief that left me speechless. I know it is hard to believe that Ms. Chatterbox was speechless but I was - but not for want of words. It was the kind of speechless brought about by paralytic grief - the gut kicking, heart tightening, strangled vocal chords type of grief that leaves you struggling for a breath. let alone words, as every inhalation is choked by the sobs trying to escape. I hope you never experience it.
That said, I resolved to be strong.
Being strong is being able to admit when you are weak.
A coward hides behind self righteousness.
Courage is admitting you may not have the answers, you do not know what to do, and knowing to ask for help.
Living courageously is living with your heart and mind.
A person who lives by heart alone is reactionary.
A person who lives by mind alone is unbending.
A person who lives by heart and mind can better determine how to behave appropriately when challenged, to be empathetic to others, to be non judgemental, to love unconditionally.
My expectations for my evening were thwarted by someone's elses needs and what I thought would be an opportunity for a good heap of chocolate pudding time ended up being a frustratingly empty bowl.
I decided not to fight the challenge but to approach it lovingly but in a well thought out manner - trying to live by heart and mind.
I decided to "Let It Be". .... the song that I have played over and over and over again for the past 5 days.
The version I have of this popular Beetle's song is the spiritual from the modern film that brings me to tears every time I hear it.... but this time it wasn't just the tune and the voices .. I actually listened and personalized the lyrics.
"... in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom 'let it be, let it be' ....
... and in my darkest hour she is standing right in front of me whispering words of wisdom 'let it be, let it be'.."
When Life is at its lowest point you have to just resign yourself to a degree of acceptance - or as I often say .. It is what it is .. so just deal with it....or in Mother Mary's words (or the Beetle's) - "Let It Be".
I had to accept that I am at this time, this place, this moment for a reason .. and if I LET IT BE then I am part of the solution not a conflict in the situation.
Letting the situation be what it is now is not what I would have chosen or foreseen in my life .. but it is and so I am dealing with it. Acceptance is the name of that stepping stone.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."
However, sometimes it takes courage to admit that there are things we cannot change.
It takes courage to accept that there are things we cannot change.
It takes courage to ask for others to help us change the things that need to be changed.
My CPM this week was finding the Serenity to Let It Be, the Courage to be weak and the Wisdom to live by heart and mind.
When you are feeling like you can't go on, that your bowl is empty, that it is your darkest hour .. it is okay to accept .. it is okay to be weak .. it is okay to Let It Be.
CPM to you.
x sun
Well those are the times when you need them most. When Life (as it has a way of doing) kicks you in the butt, frowns on you, dumps you with challenges you never thought imagineable ... it is in those times that you have to BELIEVE that another bowl of pudding will be there when you need it most.
If you believe in the little things - the cpms - then you will find them.
These past few weeks I think someone must have got their spoon in my bowl and left me just the scrapings on the edge .. but somehow in my darkest hour I was still able to stick my finger in there and get my fair share of the pudding.
This past week I had to make a very difficult decision that brought me to the depths of grief that left me speechless. I know it is hard to believe that Ms. Chatterbox was speechless but I was - but not for want of words. It was the kind of speechless brought about by paralytic grief - the gut kicking, heart tightening, strangled vocal chords type of grief that leaves you struggling for a breath. let alone words, as every inhalation is choked by the sobs trying to escape. I hope you never experience it.
That said, I resolved to be strong.
Being strong is being able to admit when you are weak.
A coward hides behind self righteousness.
Courage is admitting you may not have the answers, you do not know what to do, and knowing to ask for help.
Living courageously is living with your heart and mind.
A person who lives by heart alone is reactionary.
A person who lives by mind alone is unbending.
A person who lives by heart and mind can better determine how to behave appropriately when challenged, to be empathetic to others, to be non judgemental, to love unconditionally.
My expectations for my evening were thwarted by someone's elses needs and what I thought would be an opportunity for a good heap of chocolate pudding time ended up being a frustratingly empty bowl.
I decided not to fight the challenge but to approach it lovingly but in a well thought out manner - trying to live by heart and mind.
I decided to "Let It Be". .... the song that I have played over and over and over again for the past 5 days.
The version I have of this popular Beetle's song is the spiritual from the modern film that brings me to tears every time I hear it.... but this time it wasn't just the tune and the voices .. I actually listened and personalized the lyrics.
"... in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom 'let it be, let it be' ....
... and in my darkest hour she is standing right in front of me whispering words of wisdom 'let it be, let it be'.."
When Life is at its lowest point you have to just resign yourself to a degree of acceptance - or as I often say .. It is what it is .. so just deal with it....or in Mother Mary's words (or the Beetle's) - "Let It Be".
I had to accept that I am at this time, this place, this moment for a reason .. and if I LET IT BE then I am part of the solution not a conflict in the situation.
Letting the situation be what it is now is not what I would have chosen or foreseen in my life .. but it is and so I am dealing with it. Acceptance is the name of that stepping stone.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."
However, sometimes it takes courage to admit that there are things we cannot change.
It takes courage to accept that there are things we cannot change.
It takes courage to ask for others to help us change the things that need to be changed.
My CPM this week was finding the Serenity to Let It Be, the Courage to be weak and the Wisdom to live by heart and mind.
When you are feeling like you can't go on, that your bowl is empty, that it is your darkest hour .. it is okay to accept .. it is okay to be weak .. it is okay to Let It Be.
CPM to you.
x sun
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Chicken and the Gale
I saw something for the first time ever today .. and it wasn't a pretty sight .. a mother hen and her very young brood were trying to seek shelter from the gale force winds and half of the chicks were being blown like tumbleweeds, head over heels uncontrollably (do chickens have heels?). The last of the group couldn't catch up and I would guess was getting pretty disorientated from the experience. I couldn't just watch so I got out of my car and into the stinging rain to scoop him up and take him to his mother. Shortly after, a friend and I got out of the car to experience the awesome power of the wind at the top of Whale Bay cliff. We kept getting blown backwards .. and though we weren't tumbled in somersaults like the little chick .. the experience was similar in that the wind kept driving us from our destination and we were powerless in its presence.
Mother Nature is all encompassing .. from the mighty wind and waves to the tiniest newborn chick braving the elements. We are just like that little chick in the incessant storm - powerless to forces greater than us .. so why do humans continue to think that they are so superior?
Mother Nature is all encompassing .. from the mighty wind and waves to the tiniest newborn chick braving the elements. We are just like that little chick in the incessant storm - powerless to forces greater than us .. so why do humans continue to think that they are so superior?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The View in the Mirror
Earlier this week I found myself humming a familiar tune from childhood from a hippy sounding spiritual for which I can barely remember any lyrics ... but the meaning of which I obviously grasped as a child for it to have stuck with me for so long. The few bits I remember (and please enlighten me if you know the real words!) .. was something like "take the hand of the man that stilled the waters, take a walk with the man that calmed the seas ...la la la ... take a look at yourself then you will look at others differently ... la la la "(la la la being I think there are other lyrics but I don't remember!).
Well - long story short .. it was the last phrase that stuck with me ... again .. not sure if I had the words exact .. but it was the meaning of it that was of more importance than anything ...
"Take a look at yourself then you will look at others differently" ....
(No I am not referring to Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror song)
But it is about the view in the mirror.
After a challenging month (have I had any that haven't been I begin to ask myself !) ... but this time a challenging month in respect to personal relationships ... I have started looking inward with a lot more conviction.
It is so easy to see the faults of others in situations.
It is so easy to blame others for where we are in life, for the actions we choose, for the opinions we voice.
It is not as easy to see our part in the scenario.
We figure that if others talked to us with more respect, treated us differently, behaved kinder towards us, etc etc etc .... then things would be better.
The reality is, as we all know and I tell myself over and over again ... is that we cannot change other people - we can only change the way we react to them and how we behave in the situations that bring us to a point of questioning.
I have learned with my teen son that just like other relationships in my life .. he is at the point in life where he is trying to exert independence and because of this boundaries in the relationship are being tested.
I don't like it.
I don't like arguing, I don't like confrontation, I don't like anger, I don't like being disrespected, I don't like belligerence, I don't like being challenged, I don't like hostility, I don't like vindictiveness, I don't like the uckstuff
... and unfortunately I have experienced a big heap of this lately - but not just from my teen but from other adults
soooooo - How Do You Deal with The UckStuff?
... well - shouting doesn't work
trying to be super strict doesn't work
trying to make them conform to your ways doesn't work
... actually not much of anything if you are taking the approach of trying to stop or change the other person's behaviour
so what can you change? .... only the way you are .. the way you act or react .. the way you talk .. the way you respond ... the words that you choose .. the actions that you take ... the behaviours that you exemplify
It was time to check out THE VIEW IN THE MIRROR......
and it wasn't pretty! (not just the wrinkles, grey hair and serious bags under the eyes from the stress) ...
I saw a person crippled by fear of confrontation (the reason why is yet to be determined!) ... and depending on the person or scenario would respond to confrontation by getting angry, crying, swearing, accusing .. in essence - behaving inappropriately.
I do not like the person I had become.
I do not like the view in the mirror.
I guess it is equivalent to deciding you need to put on some make up then or dye your hair ... if you don't like what you are seeing you try to change it.
I have been trying.
I have learned to pause when I am verbally attacked .. and not to respond straight away. I determine if it is worthy of a response - and if so, make it a neutral one.
I have learned to stop and not get sucked into the vortex of anger that occurs when arguing starts.
I have learned to physically walk away.
... emotionally walking away is not as easy .. you just take that little parcel of everything you are feeling along with you and go somewhere else to open the package and deal with the contents of emotions away from the person that has helped fill your package....
I left my son a 5 page letter - which of course he did not read and instead scribbled over the front page "Don't Care" - as a way of addressing my concerns with him about certain behaviours.
He may not have read it but it helped solidify in my mind how I was going to deal with these new behaviours and situations.
... I outlined how I felt
... I addressed my areas of concern
... I acknowledged the behaviours I see as inappropriate
... I explained that I don't like arguing and confrontation so I have decided I will walk away instead of getting pulled into a battle
... I reassured him that I am walking away from the situation .. and not from him
... I reiterated that just because I am choosing not to show anger over certain actions - does not mean I condone the action or behaviour
... I expressed how important it is to uphold respect
... I told him that I love him
and in everything he does I have to continue to love him because any less would mean that the bond of unconditional love a parent has for their child has been frayed and I wouldn't want that bond to tear ...
In regards to the adults in my life .. I am working on understanding what is it that I fear in certain relationships that cause me to behave in certain ways - servile, self destructive, childlike, explosive,etc. ...
and in the meantime I am learning to say what I have to say ... but at the same time choosing my words wisely so as they are said in a loving manner and not out of anger or spite ... but to still speak my mind with fortitude, courage and conviction.
I want my words to reflect a positive action and not a negative reaction.
I need to BELIEVE IN ME.
.. to believe in the choices I make, to believe in the actions that I take, to believe in the standards by which I live
If I believe in myself - then I will be making healthier choices and can change who I am in confrontational or challenging situations. By changing me I change the dynamics of the situation. If a person is used to me responding in a certain way - they will be thrown off when I no longer take that route.
For example, one person I have known for many years often says I am always arguing because I always have a response to the criticisms metered out to me ... no matter in what tone I reply - even if laughing at myself I am still labled as arguing if I have a response. I questioned them as to why I can't have an opinion and why if I have a response or reply is it considered arguing. I was then told "See, you are arguing" ... I can't change that person's perception of me or the fact that they don't want to hear my opinions ... but I can change the situation.
I had a real AHA moment a few weeks ago when that person made an accusatory comment and I was engrossed in my work and didn't respond at all .. yet, their attack was quickly followed by "I don't want to argue with you about it!". I realized that they always expect a response from me .. which they interpret as arguing. Even when I didn't respond they were prepared for an argument to ensue. I had to laugh as I hadn't said a word, yet I was perceived as arguing.
I now realize that the best way to deal with this kind of situation is in fact to say or do nothing.
How quickly it diffuses the "argument".
This doesn't mean I accept their accusations, behaviours or disrespect.
I have enough confidence and conviction in my beliefs that it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't agree.
I have put out the flame on the end of my fuse and will only light in when necessary.
Walking away from vitriolic situations and behaviours and going to that mirror helps put the whole thing in perspective.
I can see myself in that mirror (though often through blurry teary eyes because of the hurt or anger) .. and decide what I want to see.
Will I be a victim, a reactionary, a monster mom or will I choose to wipe away the tears and splash some cold water reality on my face and realize the situation for what it is ... and then deal with it appropriately.
Looking in the mirror ( not literally - but sometimes that helps) ... is what we need to do each time we feel that downward pull on our emotions.
Look at yourself and then you will look at others differently.
Instead of seeing a belligerent teen that you wish would go away .. you will see a child crying out for attention and struggling with the angst of change.
Instead of seeing a confrontational person as someone to be feared ... you will see an opportunity for personal courage.
Instead of seeing a 'friend' as a user because they only come to you when they need something ... you can realize that you set the boundaries in your relationship - not them - when you just say 'no'.
I think I have learned a lot about myself these past few weeks because of the overabundance of challenging situations I have encountered in various relationships - my son, my friends, my coworkers.
Hard to believe that I have seen all of this and I only have a tiny mirror in a very dim lit bathroom - which is a good thing because I don't see the wrinkles and grey as easily! ... but that's another story.
"Take a look at yourself then you will look at others differently." Easier said then done. Taking that moment of self reflection before you get pulled into a situation is important. Look at yourself - and determine - who do I need to be, want to be, want to see .. at this moment .. do this before you look at the other person and the dynamics of the situation and relationship will change.
They say practice makes perfect ... I have been practising all week and am far from perfect. I think I have had my share of practice sessions for a while and am willing to go back to humdrum norm without any personal tests please. ... but at least I feel a little bit better that should a pop quiz be sprung on me for which I am unprepared .. that the practice I have had will give me the tools I need to face the challenge.
My CPM for you is that you will see the challenges in your life as opportunities to look in the mirror.
I hope, like me, you will start to appreciate the person that you see. :)
CPM to you.
Cheers xo Sun
Well - long story short .. it was the last phrase that stuck with me ... again .. not sure if I had the words exact .. but it was the meaning of it that was of more importance than anything ...
"Take a look at yourself then you will look at others differently" ....
(No I am not referring to Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror song)
But it is about the view in the mirror.
After a challenging month (have I had any that haven't been I begin to ask myself !) ... but this time a challenging month in respect to personal relationships ... I have started looking inward with a lot more conviction.
It is so easy to see the faults of others in situations.
It is so easy to blame others for where we are in life, for the actions we choose, for the opinions we voice.
It is not as easy to see our part in the scenario.
We figure that if others talked to us with more respect, treated us differently, behaved kinder towards us, etc etc etc .... then things would be better.
The reality is, as we all know and I tell myself over and over again ... is that we cannot change other people - we can only change the way we react to them and how we behave in the situations that bring us to a point of questioning.
I have learned with my teen son that just like other relationships in my life .. he is at the point in life where he is trying to exert independence and because of this boundaries in the relationship are being tested.
I don't like it.
I don't like arguing, I don't like confrontation, I don't like anger, I don't like being disrespected, I don't like belligerence, I don't like being challenged, I don't like hostility, I don't like vindictiveness, I don't like the uckstuff
... and unfortunately I have experienced a big heap of this lately - but not just from my teen but from other adults
soooooo - How Do You Deal with The UckStuff?
... well - shouting doesn't work
trying to be super strict doesn't work
trying to make them conform to your ways doesn't work
... actually not much of anything if you are taking the approach of trying to stop or change the other person's behaviour
so what can you change? .... only the way you are .. the way you act or react .. the way you talk .. the way you respond ... the words that you choose .. the actions that you take ... the behaviours that you exemplify
It was time to check out THE VIEW IN THE MIRROR......
and it wasn't pretty! (not just the wrinkles, grey hair and serious bags under the eyes from the stress) ...
I saw a person crippled by fear of confrontation (the reason why is yet to be determined!) ... and depending on the person or scenario would respond to confrontation by getting angry, crying, swearing, accusing .. in essence - behaving inappropriately.
I do not like the person I had become.
I do not like the view in the mirror.
I guess it is equivalent to deciding you need to put on some make up then or dye your hair ... if you don't like what you are seeing you try to change it.
I have been trying.
I have learned to pause when I am verbally attacked .. and not to respond straight away. I determine if it is worthy of a response - and if so, make it a neutral one.
I have learned to stop and not get sucked into the vortex of anger that occurs when arguing starts.
I have learned to physically walk away.
... emotionally walking away is not as easy .. you just take that little parcel of everything you are feeling along with you and go somewhere else to open the package and deal with the contents of emotions away from the person that has helped fill your package....
I left my son a 5 page letter - which of course he did not read and instead scribbled over the front page "Don't Care" - as a way of addressing my concerns with him about certain behaviours.
He may not have read it but it helped solidify in my mind how I was going to deal with these new behaviours and situations.
... I outlined how I felt
... I addressed my areas of concern
... I acknowledged the behaviours I see as inappropriate
... I explained that I don't like arguing and confrontation so I have decided I will walk away instead of getting pulled into a battle
... I reassured him that I am walking away from the situation .. and not from him
... I reiterated that just because I am choosing not to show anger over certain actions - does not mean I condone the action or behaviour
... I expressed how important it is to uphold respect
... I told him that I love him
and in everything he does I have to continue to love him because any less would mean that the bond of unconditional love a parent has for their child has been frayed and I wouldn't want that bond to tear ...
In regards to the adults in my life .. I am working on understanding what is it that I fear in certain relationships that cause me to behave in certain ways - servile, self destructive, childlike, explosive,etc. ...
and in the meantime I am learning to say what I have to say ... but at the same time choosing my words wisely so as they are said in a loving manner and not out of anger or spite ... but to still speak my mind with fortitude, courage and conviction.
I want my words to reflect a positive action and not a negative reaction.
I need to BELIEVE IN ME.
.. to believe in the choices I make, to believe in the actions that I take, to believe in the standards by which I live
If I believe in myself - then I will be making healthier choices and can change who I am in confrontational or challenging situations. By changing me I change the dynamics of the situation. If a person is used to me responding in a certain way - they will be thrown off when I no longer take that route.
For example, one person I have known for many years often says I am always arguing because I always have a response to the criticisms metered out to me ... no matter in what tone I reply - even if laughing at myself I am still labled as arguing if I have a response. I questioned them as to why I can't have an opinion and why if I have a response or reply is it considered arguing. I was then told "See, you are arguing" ... I can't change that person's perception of me or the fact that they don't want to hear my opinions ... but I can change the situation.
I had a real AHA moment a few weeks ago when that person made an accusatory comment and I was engrossed in my work and didn't respond at all .. yet, their attack was quickly followed by "I don't want to argue with you about it!". I realized that they always expect a response from me .. which they interpret as arguing. Even when I didn't respond they were prepared for an argument to ensue. I had to laugh as I hadn't said a word, yet I was perceived as arguing.
I now realize that the best way to deal with this kind of situation is in fact to say or do nothing.
How quickly it diffuses the "argument".
This doesn't mean I accept their accusations, behaviours or disrespect.
I have enough confidence and conviction in my beliefs that it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't agree.
I have put out the flame on the end of my fuse and will only light in when necessary.
Walking away from vitriolic situations and behaviours and going to that mirror helps put the whole thing in perspective.
I can see myself in that mirror (though often through blurry teary eyes because of the hurt or anger) .. and decide what I want to see.
Will I be a victim, a reactionary, a monster mom or will I choose to wipe away the tears and splash some cold water reality on my face and realize the situation for what it is ... and then deal with it appropriately.
Looking in the mirror ( not literally - but sometimes that helps) ... is what we need to do each time we feel that downward pull on our emotions.
Look at yourself and then you will look at others differently.
Instead of seeing a belligerent teen that you wish would go away .. you will see a child crying out for attention and struggling with the angst of change.
Instead of seeing a confrontational person as someone to be feared ... you will see an opportunity for personal courage.
Instead of seeing a 'friend' as a user because they only come to you when they need something ... you can realize that you set the boundaries in your relationship - not them - when you just say 'no'.
I think I have learned a lot about myself these past few weeks because of the overabundance of challenging situations I have encountered in various relationships - my son, my friends, my coworkers.
Hard to believe that I have seen all of this and I only have a tiny mirror in a very dim lit bathroom - which is a good thing because I don't see the wrinkles and grey as easily! ... but that's another story.
"Take a look at yourself then you will look at others differently." Easier said then done. Taking that moment of self reflection before you get pulled into a situation is important. Look at yourself - and determine - who do I need to be, want to be, want to see .. at this moment .. do this before you look at the other person and the dynamics of the situation and relationship will change.
They say practice makes perfect ... I have been practising all week and am far from perfect. I think I have had my share of practice sessions for a while and am willing to go back to humdrum norm without any personal tests please. ... but at least I feel a little bit better that should a pop quiz be sprung on me for which I am unprepared .. that the practice I have had will give me the tools I need to face the challenge.
My CPM for you is that you will see the challenges in your life as opportunities to look in the mirror.
I hope, like me, you will start to appreciate the person that you see. :)
CPM to you.
Cheers xo Sun
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Memories and Daisies
Well ..I apologize, I have been AWOL from my blog because Life just got busy!
It happens.
Today was my first day off work (other than Christmas Day ) in 6 weeks and my sister pulled me away from the dreaded home chores and so, along with my other sister's daughter, we had a girls' day of just exploring, driving, chatting and laughing.
We drove from one end of the island to the other and back again visiting childhood memories.
Towards the end of the day, I picked wild daisies in the old cemetery with my niece which we placed on the graves of her great grandparents as well as on the one of her great, great grandparents. I explained that my paternal grandmother died the day after her husband from heartache - Jan 4th and 5th, 1973 - a time long before she can ever conceive of .. but the profoundness of such a tragic love story I am sure will stay with her forever. We took some pictures of the inscriptions and flowers and created a moment for her to remember.
As we drove around old haunts and familiar places my niece reminisced about the various spots where we used to take the children to ride bicycles, or go for nature walks ... and even though she is only 14, I realized that as she spoke, what to me seemed like yesterday's memories to her seemed like a life time ago, as she grasped at vague memories of a time past.
Her memories WERE a lifetime ago .. the things we did when she was 4 would have been at a time when memories start cementing and as we age we find it harder to grasp recollections prior to that time.
I so cherish the times I spend with my son, my niece and my nephew but when I say "do you remember" they often have no recollection because the memory has not been given an opportunity to become a memory.
I realized that with children, as with adults, the importance of revisiting the places of our memories in order to help them stay with us longer. Just like revision work for a test or reciting a script of a play - repetition, revisiting, recalling, reminding are all necessary tools to help us remember our past lives.
How often have you struggled to complete a childhood memory or to recall the details of a special occasion that you thought you would never forget?
If you don't revisit those memories - they will fade.
If you don't pass on the family stories, then who will remember them?
If you don't have photos of those who have left us, how we will connect an image to a name?
Family time, family history, family memories are so important.
I don't want to forget but sometimes age has a say in that matter so I use the tools now to create the memories for tomorrow when at some point they might be harder to retrieve.
I keep photos and a family memory album with photos of my parents, grandparents and great grandparents.
These are people that I want the next generation to remember by face - not just a name on a tombstone.
I want them to be remembered by who they were and the lives they lived.
Before my maternal grandfather died, I visited him in Scotland and spent days just visiting with him, talking and writing down everything he told me .. every memory and every detail .. most of which were of his 4 years as a POW in a German Concentration camp during WWII. He had been reported as dead but my Nana never gave up waiting for him to return. Thankfully he did so as I could have the chance of knowing my grandparents and recording a little bit of their lives ... to pass on to the next generation.
I have also kept journals for most of my life - many of my entries addressed to my son in the hopes that one day he will read them and understand the path we have walked together.
They are also an important tool for me as I go back and digest the pages of more challenging and fearful periods in my life as well as rediscovering the past joyous occasions. These are benchmarks by which I can now understand my present life. They provide me with a better sense of who I am now and who I want to be in my future life by revisiting the me I once was.
One day when my life is over, perhaps my memories - all the journals and the photos, the movies and the stories - will just be packed in a bag and trashed as unfortunately was done with most of my granddad's photos. It would sadden me to think that the memories I valued would seem insignificant to others.
However, I believe I have instilled enough of an interest in my niece, and hopefully in my son, in the family that has come before us for them to hold and to pass on the memories that I cherish and value.
I often worry that if we don't pass on these memories that those that have gone will be forgot?
My best friend's father has reached a point in his life of deterioration, physically and mentally, and it is an upsetting thing to witness. It makes you realize that the threshold between Life and Death is such a narrow step. It is in such times when you realize the clock is ticking fast that the urgency to revisit and remember the past becomes more prevalent.
Why do we wait until the final hours?
Memories are special gifts that should be shared daily.
If you have a memory of a loved one - whether a relative or a friend - older or younger - don't keep it to yourself. Share it with them now - they may have been trying to complete that puzzle for awhile and your sharing has given them the final piece.
Memories are not to be kept in a box only to be pulled out when it is too late and the person is pushing up daisies.
Memories are the bond that connect us.
My CPM today was creating memory time with my sister and niece.
We may not have the same memory of this day in a few years - but at least it was one that we shared... and so when we remember it .. each one will bring their piece of the puzzle to completing the memory.
If you need to find ways to help you remember - you should.
If it is worth remembering - you will.
It's your only Life.
Live It.
Remember It.
Cherish It.
Share It.
.... and hopefully, one day that shared memory will be remembered ... and then cherished .. and shared .. and once again the memory will be passed on.....
CPM to you.
:) Sun
It happens.
Today was my first day off work (other than Christmas Day ) in 6 weeks and my sister pulled me away from the dreaded home chores and so, along with my other sister's daughter, we had a girls' day of just exploring, driving, chatting and laughing.
We drove from one end of the island to the other and back again visiting childhood memories.
Towards the end of the day, I picked wild daisies in the old cemetery with my niece which we placed on the graves of her great grandparents as well as on the one of her great, great grandparents. I explained that my paternal grandmother died the day after her husband from heartache - Jan 4th and 5th, 1973 - a time long before she can ever conceive of .. but the profoundness of such a tragic love story I am sure will stay with her forever. We took some pictures of the inscriptions and flowers and created a moment for her to remember.
As we drove around old haunts and familiar places my niece reminisced about the various spots where we used to take the children to ride bicycles, or go for nature walks ... and even though she is only 14, I realized that as she spoke, what to me seemed like yesterday's memories to her seemed like a life time ago, as she grasped at vague memories of a time past.
Her memories WERE a lifetime ago .. the things we did when she was 4 would have been at a time when memories start cementing and as we age we find it harder to grasp recollections prior to that time.
I so cherish the times I spend with my son, my niece and my nephew but when I say "do you remember" they often have no recollection because the memory has not been given an opportunity to become a memory.
I realized that with children, as with adults, the importance of revisiting the places of our memories in order to help them stay with us longer. Just like revision work for a test or reciting a script of a play - repetition, revisiting, recalling, reminding are all necessary tools to help us remember our past lives.
How often have you struggled to complete a childhood memory or to recall the details of a special occasion that you thought you would never forget?
If you don't revisit those memories - they will fade.
If you don't pass on the family stories, then who will remember them?
If you don't have photos of those who have left us, how we will connect an image to a name?
Family time, family history, family memories are so important.
I don't want to forget but sometimes age has a say in that matter so I use the tools now to create the memories for tomorrow when at some point they might be harder to retrieve.
I keep photos and a family memory album with photos of my parents, grandparents and great grandparents.
These are people that I want the next generation to remember by face - not just a name on a tombstone.
I want them to be remembered by who they were and the lives they lived.
Before my maternal grandfather died, I visited him in Scotland and spent days just visiting with him, talking and writing down everything he told me .. every memory and every detail .. most of which were of his 4 years as a POW in a German Concentration camp during WWII. He had been reported as dead but my Nana never gave up waiting for him to return. Thankfully he did so as I could have the chance of knowing my grandparents and recording a little bit of their lives ... to pass on to the next generation.
I have also kept journals for most of my life - many of my entries addressed to my son in the hopes that one day he will read them and understand the path we have walked together.
They are also an important tool for me as I go back and digest the pages of more challenging and fearful periods in my life as well as rediscovering the past joyous occasions. These are benchmarks by which I can now understand my present life. They provide me with a better sense of who I am now and who I want to be in my future life by revisiting the me I once was.
One day when my life is over, perhaps my memories - all the journals and the photos, the movies and the stories - will just be packed in a bag and trashed as unfortunately was done with most of my granddad's photos. It would sadden me to think that the memories I valued would seem insignificant to others.
However, I believe I have instilled enough of an interest in my niece, and hopefully in my son, in the family that has come before us for them to hold and to pass on the memories that I cherish and value.
I often worry that if we don't pass on these memories that those that have gone will be forgot?
My best friend's father has reached a point in his life of deterioration, physically and mentally, and it is an upsetting thing to witness. It makes you realize that the threshold between Life and Death is such a narrow step. It is in such times when you realize the clock is ticking fast that the urgency to revisit and remember the past becomes more prevalent.
Why do we wait until the final hours?
Memories are special gifts that should be shared daily.
If you have a memory of a loved one - whether a relative or a friend - older or younger - don't keep it to yourself. Share it with them now - they may have been trying to complete that puzzle for awhile and your sharing has given them the final piece.
Memories are not to be kept in a box only to be pulled out when it is too late and the person is pushing up daisies.
Memories are the bond that connect us.
My CPM today was creating memory time with my sister and niece.
We may not have the same memory of this day in a few years - but at least it was one that we shared... and so when we remember it .. each one will bring their piece of the puzzle to completing the memory.
If you need to find ways to help you remember - you should.
If it is worth remembering - you will.
It's your only Life.
Live It.
Remember It.
Cherish It.
Share It.
.... and hopefully, one day that shared memory will be remembered ... and then cherished .. and shared .. and once again the memory will be passed on.....
CPM to you.
:) Sun
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