Who Am I?

When you were younger did an adult ever give you that finger wagging eye popping reprimand of "Excuse me missy, just who do you think you are?!" when you may have spoken out of place?
... well, time to answer ..who do you think you are?

Now that my son is spending more nights with his dad I have discovered that I have been tackling the question of "Who am I?".

For the past 15 years I have defined myself as "Mum"....

... and not just to my child as many of my friends know.

Now instead of making supper, packing lunch boxes and ironing school uniforms, my son is with his dad and I find myself challenged to change my school night routines to caring just for me. The first night I just sat and literally stared at a wall (or the interior equivalent on a boat). I had eaten, cleaned up and was in my pjs all by 7pm for the first week... and struggling to stay awake to a normal adult bedtime!

Tonight is the first night of daylight savings and it has helped a little by giving me time to go for a walk. But I dreaded going home to an empty boat and being alone so I walked about twice as long as normal. On my walk I saw a large group of other marina tenants at the local pub sitting outside laughing and chatting. I kept my head down and kept walking as I felt like an outsider....like someone who wasn't invited to the party and is staring through the frosty window feeling ostracized.

I know that is not their faults or intent .. but it is my perception of me because I have spent the past decade and a half defining my life by my role as a parent and have never felt like part of that social setting.

Last night my son was chatting on the phone to his best friend who had gone to a class mate's house to work on a school project .. but it had turned into a social gathering and my son said he could hear them all happy in the background and felt so left out.

I know exactly how he feels.

Is it because we have created an isolated life for ourselves by our lifestyle choices?

Is it because I am single with a child but most of my friends are married with several children and most of my neighbours are just single or without children? I don't know any other mums who I can say are like me ... divorced, single, one teenage son .. self employed and live on a boat. Even without the latter two .. having common traits with friends often is the reason you connect and do shared activities. And for my son, a similar scenario - all of his friends have siblings, live in two income homes, etc, etc ..

My son asked me today how I would describe him over the phone to someone who didn't know him ... I gave my reply (a very lengthy one of course) .. and then asked the same of him. His response was surprisingly flattering - "a hippy chick", "artsy" and another loving description that eludes me at the moment .. but nonetheless, it fascinated me that this was the same child who just a few days ago described me as "annoying". :)

Do we define ourselves by how others perceive us then?
Do we define ourselves by the roles we fulfill?
Do we define ourselves by our relationships with others?
Do we define ourselves by our lifestyle choices or cultural heritage?

I have been referred to by others as my parents' daughter, my siblings' sister, the potter's wife, my son's mum.
I have been called the travel agent, the pottery owner, the boat lady, a Somerset gal, country girl, nature person, goody two shoes, Mother Theresa, environmental activist, revolutionary!!!! ..
People have asked if I am South African, British, Australian, American, etc . because they cannot place my accent or the fact that I am a fair skinned, blue eyed Bermudian.

Why does anyone else really care .. and if I don't know who I am then how can they?

Who we are is not a simple answer because we are complex beings with multifaceted lives. I have to not let myself be pigeon holed, labelled or defined by others.

I have to find the definition of ME in me. ... and me is not the person sitting at the pub laughing nor the loner on the outside looking in ..

For now, the who I am that is most important to me is the Me called Mum.

Who Am I? Just ME .. and that's all I need to be. :)

How do you define YOU?

CPM to you.
cheers
xo ME