Let It Be

How do you find a CPM in your day when the bowl seems completely empty and the sides have been licked clean but it wasn't you who got to lick the bowl?

Well those are the times when you need them most.  When Life (as it has a way of doing) kicks you in the butt, frowns on you, dumps you with challenges you never thought imagineable ... it is in those times that you have to BELIEVE that another bowl of pudding will be there when you need it most. 
If you believe in the little things - the cpms - then you will find them.

These past few weeks I think someone must have got their spoon in my bowl and left me just the scrapings on the edge .. but somehow in my darkest hour I was still able to stick my finger in there and get my fair share of the pudding.

This past week I had to make a very difficult decision that brought me to the depths of grief that left me speechless.  I know it is hard to believe that Ms. Chatterbox was speechless but I was -  but not for want of words.  It was the kind of speechless brought about by paralytic grief - the gut kicking, heart tightening, strangled vocal chords type of grief that leaves you struggling for a breath. let alone words, as every inhalation is choked by the sobs trying to escape.  I hope you never experience it.

That said, I resolved to be strong.

Being strong is being able to admit when you are weak.

A coward hides behind self righteousness.
Courage is admitting you may not have the answers, you do not know what to do, and knowing to ask for help.

Living courageously is living with your heart and mind.
A person who lives by heart alone is reactionary.
A person who lives by mind alone is unbending.
A person who lives by heart and mind can better determine how to behave appropriately when challenged, to be empathetic to others, to be non judgemental, to love unconditionally.

My expectations for my evening were thwarted by someone's elses needs and what I thought would be an opportunity for a good heap of chocolate pudding time ended up being a frustratingly empty bowl. 

I decided not to fight the challenge but to approach it lovingly but in a well thought out manner - trying to live by heart and mind. 

I decided to "Let It Be". ....  the song that I have played over and over and over again for the past 5 days.
The version I have of this popular Beetle's song is the spiritual from the modern film that brings me to tears every time I hear it.... but this time it wasn't just the tune and the voices .. I actually listened and personalized the lyrics.
"... in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom 'let it be, let it be' ....
... and in my darkest hour she is standing right in front of me whispering words of wisdom 'let it be, let it be'.."

When Life is at its lowest point you have to just resign yourself to a degree of acceptance - or as I often say .. It is what it is .. so just deal with it....or in Mother Mary's words (or the Beetle's) - "Let It Be". 

I had to accept that I am at this time, this place, this moment for a reason .. and if I LET IT BE then I am part of the solution not a conflict in the situation.

Letting the situation be what it is now is not what I would have chosen or foreseen in my life .. but it is and so I am dealing with it.  Acceptance is the name of that stepping stone.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

However, sometimes it takes courage to admit that there are things we cannot change.
It takes courage to accept that there are things we cannot change.
It takes courage to ask for others to help us change the things that need to be changed.

My CPM this week was finding the Serenity to Let It Be, the Courage to be weak and the Wisdom to live by heart and mind.

When you are feeling like you can't go on, that your bowl is empty, that it is your darkest hour .. it is okay to accept .. it is okay to be weak .. it is okay to Let It Be. 

CPM to you.
x sun