A Minute Vacation

Serenity is that feeling you get when everything in the world feels just right.

That was yesterday morning - sitting in the cockpit of Alibi with a cup of tea in my hands and the sunshine on my face.  I tried to empty my mind of thoughts and just "be" ... which I know may sound corny or meditative ..but it wasn't the intent.  It is just that I think too much and talk too much and sometimes even I need a break from my incessant internal chatter. 

So I closed my eyes and tried to just listen to the sounds ... the wind in the palms, the birds, the lapping water ...  to just listen without commentary.  It isn't easy at all!

Yes .. the rest of the world seemed quiet around me other than the occasional bus passing by ... but it was the chatter in my head that makes the most noise. 

We complain about the constant noise of machines, music, tv, vehicles, etc ...   but our lives are filled with other noises too.... calming and appreciative sounds of birds, wind, ocean - nature ... and the silent noise of internal chatter.

I made a very concentrated effort just to listen. 
I tried to focus on one sound at a time.
I tried to make myself aware of only the sounds of nature.
I tried to stop the talking in my head.

I tried but that little internal voice kept chatting the whole time .. like a director from the sidelines of a play "Just listen to the birds" .. and I would try to listen to the birds .. "Oh, wait I hear a bus coming, no don't focus on the bus, focus on the wind in the trees. Why can't I hear just that one sound, I keep hearing the others creep in.  Stop thinking!" 

I believe it was an impossible task!

Not only are the majority of us blessed with the sense of hearing but we also have an internal voice that wants to be heard too. 

I wonder if our internal voices are a reflection of our external selves?  Do chatter boxes like me have endless internal conversations that never have answers while others who are quieter in person have less of the internal as well?  We will probably never know!

Silence may never be fully acheivable until Life is over ... so for that we should appreciate the moments of quietude that bring us Serenity but also for the chatter in our heads that lets us know we are still alive and cognizant of our surroundings.

It is in the moments of Serenity that we can in fact best hear ourselves.

Often we listen to everyone else's advice, opinions, directions and guidance.   How often do you just sit down with your own self and just listen to that person who knows you best ..  you!

Listen to yourself.  It is easier done in times of quiet (since Silence seems an impossibility).

You will be surprised at how Serenity starts to seep in.

My mum called to wish a Happy Christmas during that brief period that I was enjoying the sunshine and quiet.  She asked what I received for Christmas.  With only the one day off  for the holidays ... it was without question the sunshine and beautiful weather that was the best gift of all after a month of gales, hail and rain.  A respite from nature's chill and howling winds that had made a few rough months of boat living.

I had awoken to a still and quiet morning ... no clanking halyards on masts, no howling winds in rigging, no icy hail on deck ... it was a wonderful gift to be able to sit outdoors in the sunshine and silence and sip my tea.  It was nice to have a visit with me ....   to have "me time" .... or as my mum and I call it . "a minute vacation".

I wish for you moments of Serenity and plenty of "minute vacations".
CPM to you.
:) Sun

Cassava Pieless

Well, this year I ran out of time and energy and there won't be any cassava pie to eat or share.  Cassave Pie is a traditional Bermudian dish served at Christmas made from the root of the cassava or yucca plant.  The grated root is moist and acts in a similar way to corn meal.  It is mixed with eggs, sugar, butter and nutmeg and forms a cakey moist bread that is usually filled with a thin layer of pork and chicken.  I have always made mine without meat and for the most part have adapted my mum's recipe that was handed down to her in 1967 by a family friend.  I have passed on the tradition of making the cassava to my 13 year old neice and I always look forward to our time together baking this and other Christmas treats. 

With the onset of an ughy cold and with storm force winds rocking the boat .. baking is the last thing I feel like doing. It is also a very costly dish - with the cassava only coming in 5lb bags .. and the recipe requiring more than a dozen eggs .. of which I only tend to eat a few slices and that's me done for the year.  The rest I share and give to family and friends .. quite honestly .. it's not a cost I can afford this year.   I would be happy to eat it if someone else would make it for a change ... but I have a feeling we will have to go without.

I felt a tinge of sadness at the failure to maintain that final tradition to which I was clinging (since my son no longer wants to do the late night drive to look at lights or watch Frosty the Snowman with me!)... . but that was over in a nano second and I have put it in its place.

Traditions are wonderful activities that honour our culture and our past and should definitely be carried on, passed on and encouraged ... but when we become slaves to our traditions and think we cannot enjoy an occasion without upholding the things we have done in the past .. then the purpose of the tradition is lost.

Some folks tend to focus so much on the details that they lose the sense, purpose or spirit of an occasion.

Surely Christmas should not be worrying about if it is in fact the exact date of Christ's birth ... or how did St. Nicholas (Santa Claus) become entwined with a Christian celebration .. or what other non religious activities have become part of the season. 

Christmas is about honouring whatever this time of year means to you and your family.
If your roots are spiritual then you will find peace in honouring your religion or faith.  If the season is a time for family .. then you will seek out traditions or activities that remind you of past times shared to reignite that sense of togetherness.

Unfortunately this Christmas a lot of families will have their traditions, their expectations and their hopes put on hold this holiday for various reasons ... many are stranded in foreign cities and airports throughout Europe because of flight cancellations.... others are not in the economic position they once were to give as freely as they would like .. yet others are struggling with the death or illness of loved ones.

In the big picture of things ... if the cassava doesn't get made, if there is no Christmas tree this year, if I didn't get a chance to send out Christmas cards to friends and family ... really .. it is not worth being upset over! In the big picture of things .. so what!!!
My son will be with me on Christmas day - which wasn't expected a month ago when there were plans for him to spend the holidays with his father in Europe.  For that I am grateful .. and that is my CPM today knowing that my son is home safe with me and not stuck enroute for Christmas.

I am grateful to have family to share a meal with this holiday. .... even if there won't be cassave on the plate!

 May traditions fill your season as they should and not be the centre of its purpose.  Value them for what they are .. then put them in their place.  Look at the big picture .. not the little mosaic pieces that you have always counted on to make the image.

Wishing you a Christmas season with enough CPMs to keep you focused on the big picture!
:) sun

Life's Timing: The Gift of Giving

Tonight I dropped off my neice at home and my son decided to stay and visit, then had to get fuel in the car, drop off an extra cheque to the post office as they had forgot to include one of my packages in my shipping payment .. then stopped to drop off a package to a friend and ended up chatting for a bit ....  finally enroute home an hour after I normally would have been snuggled in on what for us has been a very, very cold day.  Happy to be getting home and ready for a much needed cup of tea .. I approached the gate to our dock with my usual load of bags of groceries and clean laundry while fumbling for the key to unlock the gate.  At the gate I noticed something on the ground .. then realized it was a person!
It took a second for me to register what I was seeing .. and unsure if the still body was even alive.

It was one of my elderly neighbours - he had fallen, tripped ... we are not sure .. but he was on the ground on his back in the cold dark and I could see no-one else around to help.  I called 911 and then pulled out my clean laundry which conveniently consisted of two large duvet covers and put one under his head and covered him to keep him warm with the other.  Once I knew help was on the way and he was speaking and understanding me, I ran to get his wife.  I stayed with him for over 1/2 hour before help arrived.  No-one knows how long he had been there... he didn't think he had been there long.  Once in the ambulance I could see that he had been bleeding from the head and am glad that I didn't move him but had called for emergency help just to be safe. 

Most of the other neighbours seem to have already been home by the time the ambulance departed and I made my way down the dock to my boat. 

It made me question Life's Timing.

What if I hadn't stopped for gas or had needed to go to the post office .. or chatted with my friend for a little while... then I probably would have already been home like everyone else and been totally oblivious to the situation.  How long would he have remained there motionless on the ground?   If he hadn't been found when he was would his situation have deteriorated in the cold temperature ?  How was it that I happened to have those two large duvet covers in my possession considering they had been sitting in the laundry pile to do for over 2 weeks.

I thought as I was driving home that I would have some free time to myself while my son was visiting his cousin .. but instead spent the evening helping a neighbour .. and wouldn't have had it any other way.  What is it in Life that puts us in places or circumstances just at certain moments that seem so significant?

Just as the ambulance pulled away and I watched to make sure his wife was fine pulling off in her car ... I went below and closed up my boat and at that moment the rain started pelting down.  It had been raining for a good part of the day ... icy needles driven by a relentless wind .. as it is again now, but I realized in retrospect that he couldn't have been there long as he was dry when I found him .. and the whole time I stayed with him until the time he left was over an hour .. yet not a drop of rain during that time!

How does Life time those kind of mini miracles?   It sure does make one think .. and if it doesn't make a believer out of a person .. then it at least should make one realize that Life is a lot more in control of our destiny that we understand. 

There is a purpose to our existence .... for the most part we stumble through Life totally oblivious to that purpose .. or even questioning why and what it is all about.   BUT .. when you have one of those coincidental, unbelievable, Life's Timing moments .... it makes you realize and appreciate that it is not for us to question .. only to Be.   Our existence may be for something as simple as holding the hand of a fallen neighbour, encouraging a child who had a bad day, hugging a retiree that you haven't seen in many years and giving them the gift of human contact, giving directions to a stranger who seems lost, smiling at a homeless person to acknowledge his existence thus giving him a sense of being.

This is often called the Season of Giving.

Giving doesn't have to be wrapped in sparkly paper or coins in a donation box.

Giving can be as simple as a smile, a hug, a listening ear, a word of encouragement.

Giving of yourself is the most generous gift of all. 

If you are in sync with Life's Timing .. you come to realize that there are opportunities for Giving in every day moments. 

I feel fortunate that I was able to be there for my neighbour.  It wasn't my doing .. it was Life's Timing .. but it was an opportunity to give of myself unconditionally.  That was my CPM for today.  Being presented with a situation that awakened my sense of being and purpose.  

I wish for you moments of clarity that help you realize you have a purpose for being. 
I wish for you an opportunity to experience Life's Timing.
I wish for you a chance to offer a CPM to someone else so you may experience the Gift of Giving.

CPM to you.   May you all stay safe and warm this season.
:) sun

Thoughts on motherhood and education

How does one feel inspired to be creative - in my work, in my art, in my writing or in my home life ... when surrounded by challenges that drain you to the very core?

It goes back to finding those CPMs in your life. 

It has been a rough few months, especially with adjusting to my child as a teen.  His challenges become mountains over night that I wish I could make go away like the Boogey Man .. but the difference is his challenges are real .. and Mr. Boogey Man was proven to be non existant. (Unfortunately so was Santa and the Tooth Fairy)

As I explained to my neice, a mother's love is so strong that it physically hurts when your child is suffering or struggling. (or is that only me???) ... When my son or neice are cut and hurt I feel a cramping inside ... when their pain is emotional .. .I feel it in my heart .. that tightness in your chest that makes you want to wail. 
Bandaids don't work for all the boo boos anymore!

I wish we could return to that world of Peter Pan that we lived in for so long .... and pulled everyone else into our fairy tale story life too. My mum always called me the Wendy Bird (from Peter Pan) because as most of the children in my life know, I never want to grow up.  I loathe the boring and serious world of adulthood.  That's why having young children in your life is so enriching and wonderful ... they have yet to leave the world of imagination and pretend ... where we can be silly, have fun, create imaginary landscapes and stories with our minds .. and it is still okay and accepted! Maybe if I prefer to be in that world I need to go back to teaching, have more children .. or perhaps just be admitted!

I don't think I am quite ready for the seriousness of teenage life ... it is far too intense for my liking.  Why do we expect our teens to become so serious about everything - their schooling, their future, their social life and extra curricula activities ...  why can't they spend their free time fishing instead of packing groceries to earn money?  Why can't schools be fun again ... why is it okay to be creative and hands on with the 5 year olds .. but by the time they hit their teens they are expected to put that all behind them and learning becomes about pen and paper? 

No wonder there are so many middle and high school drop outs, failures and lost causes ... because we have forgotten about the child in the teen .. we have forgot how to appeal to the fun side of learning.  We have taken imagination and creativity out of education. 

Unfortunately, I am experiencing this first hand .. with a very creative and artistic child who has been required to fit his round peg learning style into a square hole education system. 
Bermuda is so lacking in vocational learning, trade education, apprenticeship programmes ... and in lieu we are tackling the results of boring our children in the classroom that has sent them to the streets.  The island now has to deal with gangs, violence, illiteracy and poverty .. issues that are so foreign to us (or have we just had our head in the sand and are now addressing what was always there?).  You can't fix the problem by taking away the guns.  That's like punishing your teen by taking away the xbox ..  he just turns to his cell phone or computer as his escape. 

The answer is providing an environment that stimulates and shapes the young people before they ever get to that point.  If you give them creative outlets .. they will become creative.  If you give them opportunities to excel .. then they will excel.  Not everyone is an academic .. some are but still learn in other ways.  Vocational training at the high school level is too late ...Life Skills need to be taught throughout their education. 
So much emphasis is on performance results in math and language that we fail to realize .. test results are often just a matter of using short term memory and churning out the facts that just got put in .... that doesn't reflect what was actually learned.  Learning means being able to apply .. especially in real life situations - not in a test booklet. 

Think back to your childhood.  You will probably realize that your favourite teachers were usually the ones in whose subjects you excelled.  .. and the subjects you enjoyed were also the ones in which you excelled.  It is because you excelled that the subject brought enjoyment.  Nothing like an A grade to build up one's self esteem and make you think you are good at something ... so of course you want to try again .. and keep going ...the satisfaction and feelings of accomplishment is the reward.  If you feel accomplished in one area .. then the positive feelings it evokes will reflect in other areas of your life too ... I know because I was one of those perfectionist children who had to excel to feel good about myself.  If I couldn't get it straight away I didn't want to continue and fail. Being acknowledged for my efforts pushed me to succeed further. 

Yesterday, my son spent the day with me at work at the pottery.  He worked a longer day than the normal school day and he worked hard.  He hasn't shown interest in the pottery in a very long time .. but I kept him on task and learning new skills.  He used math, science and art throughout the day.  These lessons were incorporated into the teaching of the skill .. such as weighing out the raw materials to make glaze, reading the scales, calculating the ratio and percentages of materials, the technical aspect of setting a kiln and the conversion of cone to temperature.  He was filthy and exhausted by the end of the day .. but had thoroughly loved the experience.  He felt valuable.  He had made the new batch of glaze, unpacked kilns, unloaded molds, helped with shipping, etc.  He had been given an opportunity not only to experience valuable life skills, but had a better appreciation of how hard I work at my job to care for him. 

Career Days in the school system are usually once a year .. and as they get older .. sometimes they get a whole week.  I believe that once they reach the teen years that this should be incorporated as part of the regular weekly curriculum.  When I was in my early teens I was already working weekends as a receptionist for a Doctor in the city.  With the current economic climate there aren't even enough jobs available for adults, let alone for our children.  They do not have the same opportunities for weekend or summer jobs as we had. Fortunately I am of the understanding that our two government high schools offer vocational subjects .. but on Tuesday when I go to visit I will find out to what extent.  I hope that they are core elements of the curriculum and not just electives that become once a week subjects - which seems to have become the norm for the arts and any hands on experiential learning subjects.

I am blessed that I had a wonderful old fashioned education that was structured yet balanced and full ...  biology, math, language, literature, art, cooking, sewing, religion, history, geography, Spanish, French, civics, music, phys ed and latin.  I believe classes were shorter and more frequent so as we could experience more subjects from which to learn.  At least with so many subjects on the curriculum one was bound to find something at which they could do well and feel accomplished.

I am on the quest to find that balance for my child ... but added to that is the challenge of finding the right environment for a child with dyslexia.  It has been a very rocky, sob filled road that has wearied me to my soul and taken its toll on relationships.  BUT .. it is for my child .. so no matter what .. you plod on .. and you ask, you call, you cry, you try, you be persistent .. because one day that child will be a man .. and you will have given him a fair shot at surviving this thing called LIFE.

Wishing you a CPM filled weekend.
x sun aka The Weary Mum wannabe Wendy Bird

The Mattress Bank

Have you ever noticed that it seems to be the ones who have the least who are the most giving?

 Perhaps because we know what it feels like to be needy!  Empathy is the best teacher.

Yesterday, I had a few dollars left in my wallet and treated my son and I to some take out food .. I bring my lunch to work every day .. but lately that is a raw potato which I microwave at lunchtime and put a little cheese on top .. but we were out on the road after a doctor's visit and my raw potato was still another hour away.  It was a simple quick meal that cost less than $10 for both of us.  I felt indulgent.  .... especially as we walked past an older, possibly homeless, toothless gentleman on a bench who was obviously in a worst economic situation than we were. 

He asked for any change.  I had none going in .. so he said "perhaps on your way back" .. and I said certainly. 
Well, I had the exact amount for our lunch with no change left. ... but it didn't feel right to walk past him with our food and share nothing .. so I pulled out 4 quarters from my laundry money and gave it to him.  I told him that was my laundry money so to spend it wisely .. at which point we smiled at each other.
I have seen this man many times in my life and he always looked so harsh ... but that toothless smile made my day!

Sharing and generosity are ways to uplift your spirit and make you realize and appreciate that there is always someone needier than you.

When we returned to our car my son raised a valid question ... he wondered if we have a little bit of money .. and have a home and a car .. but owe money .. is the man that sits on the bench with no possessions ..but owing nothing better off than us? 
I have often wondered that question myself! Isn't that the principle behind negative and positive integers? 

How does one get to that point of debt and owing that comes with adulthood?  .. and why does it seem to be so cumulative?  My son and I have determined that the mattress bank is probably the best way to go these days! ...but don't bother looking under my mattress ..  the only thing left in the bank are the rest of the laundry quarters .... and they will be gone tomorrow judging from the size of the laundry hamper mountain.

Yesterday my CPM was sharing a few quarters with a needy homeless man.
Tonight my CPM is finding enough odds and ends in the fridge to feed three hungry teenage boys (two of them unexpected) ... and knowing there is still enough bits and bobs to perhaps make a decent breakfast for them (since they are now sleeping over .. again not planned or expected). 
A close friend once told me that she had described me as the kind of person that if I lived in a cardboard box and a friend needed a place to stay .. I would move over and make room for them.  I sure hope so!

I am fortunate that though the purse may only be chinking together laundry change or the fridge may appear frighteningly empty  .. there is still always enough to share with others.
The understanding and realization of the value of sharing and generosity is my CPM lesson for the day. 

Wishing you the opportunity to share when you think you are least able ... and to feel the reward in doing so.
Wishing you a CPM for this weekend.
:) Sun

Time to Quit?

How does one know when it is time to call it quits?  Usually when you are feeling that you want to quit - then that is not the time to make that decision.  However, the days that you are content with the way things are will not be the day you make that decision either. 

As a single mum that is self employed I always face this mountain as we head into the winter season when sales diminish and my arms don't seem long enough to make the ends meet.  It is times like these that I question if my decisions are the right one. 
Do I take the advice of caring loved ones who suggest I should get a stable job with a regular income? 
Being the free spirit that I am that would mean sacrificing a lifestyle, a long hard earned dream, the passion of being an artist.
The tough times are short lived ... but not everyone is understanding and the bills certainly don't get paid with smiles and hugs.
Would sacrificing this choice and working in a traditional job environment bring financial stability - perhaps, but again in these challenging times even those who had been in well paid and established jobs found themselves being made redundant ... so where is the security in that? At least by being self employed my job is secure as long as I can stay on top of the bills and keep my health. 
I have worked in traditional job settings for others - and the thought of going back to that kills my spirit!
(Not to mention wearing heels would hurt my feet - I love working in flip flops!)

So, am I being an irresponsible parent by pursuing my dream and doing something I enjoy .. something for me ... something creative .. even if it means life is at times a financial struggle? 
I don't think having financial security brings happiness ... but it sure helps ease the stress.

I don't have the answers to this one ... but at least I have the questions ... and I find myself asking the same ones every year at this time ... and then before you know it the season has started all over again and the busy rush has us longing for the quieter days of winter. 

How many years do I keep living in this cycle?

How do I know if it is time to quit and close this chapter of my life?

I waited until I got home to finish this entry ... and I am glad I did.

I needed to determine my Chocolate Pudding Moment for today to help me find a sense of appreciation at a time when I need it most.
My commute is just a matter of a minute by foot from my studio door to the marina in which I live. Meanwhile I know that most of the islanders are still sitting at their office desks or in the slow traffic commute home.

Tonight the water is flat calm and the pink sunset sky is giving the water a purplish tinge.  There is barely a puff of breeze ... it is still and all is quiet and soul soothing.

My son is not home at the moment so there are no questions of supper time or noise of tv or music.

Serenity finds me taking a deep involuntary exhalation and breathing out the concerns of the day.
This is my Chocolate Pudding Moment .... a moment of serenity and reflection.

I may not have the answers to all of my questions ... but at least I know that I have the fortune of options and opportunities. 

Is this the Time to Quit?  I don't know for sure .. but this I do know - Now is not the time to answer that question. 

Wishing you serenity for those challenging days when you question your choices and decisions and all you want to do is quit.

CPM and serenity to you.
sun

Accomplishments

Sometimes it is the little things that give us a sense of accomplishment.... finally getting to the bottom of the ironing pile, getting that hole sewn up in your favourite (or as in my case .. my only) pair of jeans, or going for a brisk walk.
Sometimes it is trying something new that gives us that sense of accomplishment - like tackling the technological challenge of setting up a new blog :)
Sometimes it is attempting something we thought beyond our ability - like crossing the ocean on a sailing vessel.
Sometimes it is tackling a "want to do that someday" project ...

For me that someday project was a today project.
I must have removed more than 4 dozen screws, nuts and bolts in the dismantling of my gimballed alcohol boat stove.  It was a good little stove - but had not been properly mounted by the previous owner and so everytime I needed to refill the alcohol in the burner pans I risked losing my thumbs and fingers.  I had reverted to learning to cook in a toaster oven and use a single burner butane stove .. thus making my cleverly gimballed stove an inconvenient waste of space. 
So ...... I decided last week it had to go.  .. and tonight instead of a stove I have a storage unit.

What a sense of accomplishment in making a decision to do something outside of the scope of my comfort zone, following through and completing the project. 

It is these accomplishments that help to build our self esteem and to realize our potential. 

It is my wish that my teen son can find his own projects, endeavours or niche skills that will give him that sense of accomplishment and purpose that this stage of life so needs.  The fragility of a teen's self esteem waivers precariously between peer and parental approvals.  It takes us back to my previous entry on worthiness.  They put so much value on others' opinions and have not yet learned to value themselves for who they are. 

When my son returned from a school Spirit Day of Outward Bound activities - his sense of pride and worth were soaring due to his accomplishments on the obstacle course.  He challenged his fears and tackled the high wire walk and zip lines.  He was boosted by the comments and approval of his teachers and peers  - but ultimately it was his sense of accomplishment that lead to the realization of his potential and a much needed lift in his self esteem.
The challenge for him, as for many of us, is finding that same sense of accomplishment in the every day activities.

Upon completing my project today I am left with an "I can do anything" attitude and am ready to seek out my next project.  Perhaps I will eventually figure out how to sail this boat!! :)  ... but until then, I will focus on the little daily accomplishments that are necessary to keep me moving forward.

Accomplishments are the stepping stones to success. They are not always smoothly paved or on a straight path ... but you only have to take one step at a time. Each time you take a step in the same direction you are moving forward.

Wishing you a week of accomplishments - even if it is as simple as getting to the bottom of the ironing pile!

CPM to you.
:) Sun

Worthiness

Exerpts from my recent personal journal:
"This much I know to be true .... not much of anything really!! 
I doubt myself as an artist, mother, businesswoman, etc, etc. (A friend) called tonight with all the advice on running the business - things I know already and have done" ....
"I think there is a sense of ego there that is making (me) feel inferior - but this much I know to be true ....
I put thought and honour into (my work)".

How do we determine our worthiness?
Is it by the comments others make of us or are we strong enough to believe in ourselves and value our own opinions and decisions?

If we live our lives with integrity and apply ourselves with diligence - then we should consider ourselves worthy.
If we treat others with respect and our own self too then we should consider ourselves worthy.
If we are honest in everything and with everyone - then we should consider ourselves worthy.
If we are living a GENUINE life ... being true to who you feel you are, true to your principles, true to your goals.... then we ARE worthy.

Final excerpt from that entry was:
" This much I know to be true ...... I am GENUINE."

I wish for you the courage to find your Worthiness in yourself and not in the opinions others have of you.
Be GENUINE and you are on the right track.

Wishing you a CPM weekend.
:) Sun

Setting Goals

Last night I celebrated the opening of a joint ceramic exhibition with three other studio artists from my pottery.  The show had been booked early on in the year, yet more than 10 months on there were still the last minute things to be accomplished.

Having the show to work towards gave us a Goal.  It was a wonderful experience to see a project through to completion.  Setting Goals is a healthy way to measure off this time line called Life. 

Setting Goals gives you a direction, a path, an objective.
Pursuing those Goals gives you purpose, motivation and structure.
Attaining those Goals gives you a sense of accomplishment, completion, satisfaction.

When done, it is then time to set the next Goal on your time line. 

By working towards a show I believe we all experienced similar feelings at varying times - whether it was excitement at determining an idea, empowerment in executing something new or disappointment in a failed attempt.  We were concerned about expenses, frustrated by indecisions, enthused by successes.
The experience for us was a very creative and positive one.  It was a shared goal that found us working together providing advice and encouragement to each other.  Each person filled a niche - I focused on marketing the event through Facebook, email lists and the press, another person designed,created, printed and posted the invitations, others provided a network of friends and family to support the event.  We meshed our strengths to reach a common goal.

Yet, all of the emotions, challenges and accomplishments are part of the process in acheiving one's goals.
We describe our Goals as being ACHEIVED, not RECEIVED.
Something that is received is easily attainable, something that is acheived is earned. 

We reached our Goal. It was definitely an earned experience. 

Having Dreams and Goals are very different. 
Dreams are those aspirations that are perhaps longterm, unrealistic or perhaps just intangible.
Goals are identifiable and attainable.
Goals are realistic and present.
Goals are quantified by the probability not the possibility.

As we head towards the end of another, all too quickly over year -
 Did you have any goals or did you drift from day to day in a life of sameness?
If you set a goal, did you stay on the path of pursuit .. and moreso, did you attain it?

If you did, you probably understand the euphoric feeling it brings and are ready to set the next goal.

It's like eating good quality chocolate .. once you have a taste of it .. you look forward to the next piece and the next. Once the chocolate is gone - you at least know the satisfaction of having enjoyed that experience.  It is why we say we crave chocolate - once experienced, the knowledge of its pleasure stays with you. 

The same with Goals.  Once accomplished, it is the knowledge of the satisfaction that it brought that drives us to seek out more.  You can't wait for that next piece.

Wishing you the satisfaction of Goals fulfilled and the desire to pursue the next.

CPM to you.
sun

Live, Laugh, Love Part III

Onto Love ... ah! Love ... doesn't it seem like a word that should be expressed with a long sigh?

'Love Always' is the last part of the Live, Laugh, Love saying.

Perhaps one would think that I am not the best person to give advice on Love since I haven't been in a relationship in many years, however, I think it quite the opposite.  When one is not in the picture it is easier to step back and see the picture.  

I have been able to take my personal experiences and not become jaded or cynical .. which is what Love Always is all about.

Love Always doesn't mean we should always be IN love.  It means we should continue loving despite our experiences or circumstances.

If you really truly understand the meaning of Love and you respect the concept of Love then you do not change the way you treat someone because of how you were treated.  You do not disrespect a person because they were disrespectful towards you. 

If you really Love someone .. then when that love changes (as romantic love usually does) ... then you learn to grow with the change .. and if it changes in such a way that one person no longer wants to be in the relationship .. then you must respect that and let them go.  There is an old saying that if you really love,  like the butterfly you should set it free and if it is meant to be it will come back and sit softly on your shoulder.

My butterfly didn't come back ... instead I had what felt like a wheelbarrow of bricks land on my shoulders!
.... so it wasn't meant to be. ... but I loved enough to respect that life isn't always about my way .. and to understand that it was time to take a different road. 
Of course it was difficult .. but I tried to be honourable and respectful, not vindictive or spiteful. 

That is what Love Always means.  You don't just love when it is easy, when things are going smoothly or when you are skipping down a rose petaled path.  Love Always is still loving when things are at their hardest.

Love is not just something reserved for a spouse or partner.

Love - or being loving - should be found in every relationship you encounter.
Being loving is being empathetic to someone else's life or position or opinion. 
Being loving is about respect.
Being loving is noted in the way we talk to our children, or treat our coworkers, or help a needy friend or just acknowledge another person's presence.

Love Always should be a daily part of one's life.

I feel so fortunate to know that I am who I am because I choose to Love Always.  ..to be empathetic.... to respect....  to be honourable... to be kind. 

I hope you find Love Always in your life - whether receiving or giving ... and remember - it doesn't always come from the person you "expect" it from. (Love is not something to be demanded or expected) ... but Love might come in a form you might not even recognize in the kindness of a stranger. 

When we are being loving towards others .. then we are being kind spirited.... but when others are being loving towards us .. then those are the Chocolate Pudding Moments you should acknowledge and cherish.

Wishing you a CPM given in love .. and an understanding of  Love Always so you may pass on a CPM to someone else.

Ciao for Now.
x sun

Live, Laugh, Love continued

Live Simply has been covered .. onto Laugh Often:

Laughing is cathartic, especially when it is a deep-from-your-toes-guffawing-don't-care-what-people-think kind of laugh.
Or the kind of laugh that makes your cry or want to pee your pants! (like the time I was playing hide and go seek as a kid and had to try to stifle my nervous laugh every time the seeker got close but passed on by!)

Laughing comes in many forms.
Happy laughter, nervous laughter, funny joke laughter, being torturously tickled laughter (that's my favourite kind).

Smiles and giggles are just as important too .. they are all in the same family of happy expressions. 

... but it is okay to acknowledge that we can't be happy all the time ..  Life has to have its serious moments too for there to be balance - the whole yin yang concept.  We can't have one emotion without the opposing emotion.

I once read a story to my son called "Spirit Bear" in which a troubled teen in the Northwest Territories is sentenced to solitude living on a small island in a lake.  He has a First Tribe Elder as his mentor and guardian during the period.  The Elder works on teaching him how to deal with his anger issues. 
The Elder takes the teen to the edge of the lake and gives him a stick.  He tells the boy that the stick represents his emotions - on one end is happiness and joy and the other represents his anger.  He tells the boy he should break off the anger end and throw it into the lake.  The boy follows the instructions.  The Elder points to the slightly shorter stick and says "I told you to break off the end and throw your anger into the lake" .. to which the boy retorted that he had done exactly that.  The Elder questioned him as to why then did his stick still have an angry end.  The boy snapped off the end again and tossed the symbolic anger into the lake.  But, once again, the Elder pointed to the stick and showed him his angry end had not left. 

"It will always be there" advised the Elder.  You cannot just do away with the negative emotions.  They are part of us just as much as the postive ones like happiness and love. 

It is how we deal with the anger that must be learned. 

Laugh Often . but realize that being happy, positive, uplifted cannot be had without the opposing emotions.  There will be time for the sorrow, the anger, the grumps.   That is normal and healthy. 
What one has to do is to learn how to cope when the negativite feelings are receiving more time than they are due.
Laughing - finding humour in a moment - helps to elevate one from below that fine line that divides our feelings into positive and negative.

If you can laugh at yourself then you are even one step further.  When you feel like you are behaving like a spoiled toddler - laugh at yourself.  When you feel like a fool for saying your two cents but realizing they weren't worth one  -  laugh at yourself.  No-one else might be laughing with you or others may be laughing at you .. .but as long as you are laughing .. you are at least on the right track!

Ecclesiastes 3 is often quoted - at weddings and at funerals .. because it acknowledges that "There is a time for everything":  We should LAUGH OFTEN but understand that there is also a time to weep.

Could this be why we sometimes find our emotions being released together?
We start to nervously giggle while we are holding back the tears ...
or we laugh so hard that we can't stop the tears!

Laugh Often!
especially when you discover you've just experienced a Chocolate Pudding Moment!

Wishing a CPM week to you.  Enjoy the well known passage from Ecclesiastes below:
x sun

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

Live, Laugh, Love

"Live Simply.  Laugh Often.  Love Always"           Author Unknown

This is one of those Life recipes that keeps cropping up that sticks with me.

I guess I am on the right road.  Well probably only a path that one day might join that road.   My lifestyle is pretty simple .. though I wish it could be moreso at times.  Living on a boat one learns to keep it simple. I have a very small wardrobe .. in fact speaking of wardrobes, I have friends with walk in closets bigger than my whole home.  We have some mod-cons .. like the laptop and wireless tv ... but these are things I could live without.  I don't have a microwave, washing machine, kitchen gadgets or a hairdryer (working on that one for my son for Christmas since he's more into his hair than I am).

What really is simple living? 
It sounds like it should be easier .. but it isn't always.  I miss living in a little cottage and being able to grow my own vegetables.  Growing your own veggies is thought of as "simple living" .. but it's actually hard work! Living on a boat is thought of as "simple living" .. but dang again .. it is hard work.  I have been made more aware of the challenges of my life as a liveaboard this past week while housesitting for a friend.  Flushing a toilet and it does it itself .. on a boat you have to push and hold buttons while waiting for water intake, etc.  Putting away the groceries ... in the house things just got plunked onto shelves in the fridge.  On my boat I have one of those drop down cupboard style fridges - which is just a big empty box where everything piles on top of each other and don't spill anything .. you have to take everything out and hang upside down to reach the bottom to clean up the spill. 

Simple lifestyles are often made out of necessity, not choice for most of the world.  To have the luxury of choosing your lifestyle is a fortunate thing.  For most of the world, living in a simple dwelling without the contraptions and gadgets of the Western world is all they have known .. but it doesn't in any way make their life simpler.  In fact, having to be self sufficient - grow and hunt for ones own food, build one's own shelter, make your own clothing, find your own sources of water, public transportation is your own two feet ...  these are not simple tasks.

So .. when someone says they live a simple lifestyle  - as I often quantify my life - put it in context because it is probably just a statement of relativity.  My simple life is in comparison to the average person in my country.   I can in no way compare my lifestyle as simple when I compare it to the families in rural Asia.  
I make choices that stem from necessity or lack of affluence.  I still have a car, a cell phone, a computer, etc .. so can this still be considered Living Simple? 

Living Simple is being able to appreciate those things for which we do not have to pay - the sunsets, our talents, relationships.

Find something simple to appreciate in your life .... it might be as simple as appreciating the fact that you have running water and can take a hot shower.  It's when we appreciate these every day occurances that we are learning the art of Living Simply. 

Learning to appreciate the every day is what chocolate pudding moments is all about.

Wishing you some simple CPM today. 

We'll chat about Laughing and Loving another time.  I have to go appreciate the running water now and make myself a cup of tea.

x sun

Alone or Lonely

When I found myself alone after 10 years of marriage I really struggled from the utter gut wrenching, overwhelming feeling of loneliness.  I would visit my wise friend Phyllis for words of encouragement. She had a little basket of rocks on which she would write down some of these spiritual enlightenments. One day  Phyllis picked a rock from the basket and gave it to me.
It's message has stuck with me:

"You can't be lonely if you like the person you are alone with."

I worked hard on trying to like this person that I would find myself alone with watching rental movies on a Friday night or going for a cathartic power walk.  There is still a lot of work to be done.

The nights alone became even more magnified when my son would spend an evening, the night or a special occasion with his father. 

I was the one that always wanted a large family and thought I would have several children.  Instead I found I was going backwards.  I was no longer married.  I haven't dated in 6 years ...  and now my son is spending more time apart from me as the teen years progress. 

The alone times are becoming more frequent and longer. 

Sometimes it is a struggle to get through the evening without sharing a word with someone else.  That's where talking to the cat is a great relief :)

Sometimes the weekend will slip by and I will realize that I haven't had a call or text from anyone or done anything social with friends. 

This is why social networking sites like Facebook have become so popular.  
We are social beings.
Being alone is not a good thing unless it is by choice and brings a sense of relaxation and rejuvenation .. something I longed for when my son was younger.  I couldn't wait for him to get older and less dependent on me so I could just have some "me-time". 

I take it all back!   I don't want "me-time"...   I want us time ..
Us with my friends.  Us with my family.   Us with my son.... and hopefully one day  "Us time" with a significant other again. 

We often manage to fill the alone times with distractions such as computer time, television or texting ... but are we preventing loneliness or just masking it?

If you want to discover if you have learned if you like the person you are alone with ... try turning off the DVD and go for a walk without an ipod ... find a quiet spot overlooking the ocean and just sit. 

Sit, stare, contemplate ....... does it feel good ... or does that ugh sinking feeling set in?

I think I am getting there ... but I also know that I am at my happiest when I have a home full of laughing teens.

So ... if you are feeling lonely ... turn off the distractions and just sit. 
Learn to like .. no, LOVE, the person you are alone with.  ....  you might be surprised .. they probably like you too!

Me, myself and I can be good company for a cup of tea ... we get on just fine .. most of the time!

CPM to you!  I hope for you a way to work through the lonely times .. and to learn to love the alone time.
Ciao for now.

Geesh .. .communication takes effort!

This blogging stuff is hard work! I love the concept but will certainly be doing it for me as an electronic journal more than anything.  For someone who is artistic .. I have never been a gadget person and always complain that I can paint an ad faster than I can create something on the computer.  Now I have to maintain a website (hate doing!), a Facebook fanpage for the Studio and I have started this blog ... I think this is a case of e-saturation for me! Will give it a fair shot .. and maybe once I have the formatting down it will be easier.  Inspirations come from some many places but I never thought it would be from this little bunch of bolts on my lap.
I have kept journals .. written and photographic ones .. but time has a way of messing things up sometimes.  Photos get damaged by mildew (thanks to Bermuda's dampness) .. and my written journals are at times incomprehensible because I have been feverishly scribbling in bed as I am drifting to sleep. Sometimes the journals have been written as a cathartic expression of my anger, sorrow, grief, frustration or fears .. and having the weepies or the stormies when writing doesn't translate well on the page. 

I recently completed a series of plates called "The Art of Conversation: The Social Scrolls" - these handbuilt sushi plates each have a quote from a local social activist - but each on universal topics such as poverty, race, politics, art, the environment, etc. The collection as a whole is supposed to be a social commentary on our loss of the ability to communicate and have conversation.  We have become so attached to our electronics that we have become detached from our human connections.  Our lives are constantly intruded by tv, computers, cell phones, etc that one can rarely finish a conversation without someone receiving or replying to a text midsentence.  Because of this we have forgot how to converse with each other.  The plates are like queue cards at the dining table - prompts for conversation - to stimulate and revive a dying art.

Can we just turn it all off for a little while and sit down and talk.

I am going to turn off my computer now as it is the weekend .. and I want to spend it doing something worthwhile with family and friends. 

I think this calls for a big sit down breakfast and some real conversation.

Ciao for now.
Wishing you a CPM today.

Is Dr. Seuss right?

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  Dr. Seuss

I thought this was a brilliant quote and it became one of my inspiration board mottos  - until yesterday when I really started thinking about speaking our mind and diplomacy.

 I tried to raise my son to be honest and vocalize his opinion .. but never thought of the flip side of this until this week when he thought he was being honest by giving his opinion (apparently in a not so pleasant manner) to a teacher.  That one didn't go down too well.

Recently a friend gave me her opinion about letting my hair be its natural colour when she thought I needed to look younger and should colour it.  She stated she was just being honest.  I suggested she consider diplomacy. 

I thought that now that I am getting older I am less influenced by other people's opinions about me .. but obviously I am not and am still concerned with social etiquette and behaviours.  I thought I was free enough to just speak my opinion with confidence. 

I realize after a week of conversational and email tip toeing in an attempt not to be misconstrued or to have my opinion be considered pushy or obnoxious ... there is still a code of diplomacy and a fine line of social awareness by which we live our lives.

We may want to be who we are ... .but then question ourselves when others make swift judgements of us.
We may want to say what we feel ... but then feel like we have to retract half of it for fear of rocking the boat, being misunderstood, or for maintaining the peace.

There is a difference between honesty, diplomacy and opinions. 

Can we still be honest but maintain diplomacy?
Can we give our opinions and consider ourselves being honest?

Well, now I am not so sure about Dr. Seuss' opinion ...  because the situations that brought me to the point of apologies or defensive responses were because I obviously thought that those with whom I interacted DID matter. 

Did they mind that I said what I felt or that I was being who I wanted to be?  I would think they did because if it didn't bother them .. then they wouldn't have had an opinion.

Sure .. we have to be honest. .. but we also must learn the art of diplomacy, especially when it boils down to determining if what you are saying is you being honest .. or you just expressing your opinion. 

Personally, in my honest, non-diplomatic opinion ... Dr. Seuss probably never realized that most people could probably never understand any of his books anyway.. that's why they didn't mind .. so it really didn't matter anyway.  What do you expect from a guy who eats green eggs and ham? 

What do you think?   You can be honest with me :)

Wishing you a CPM for the weekend ahead!
cheers
sun

Do You Remember?

Do you remember a time before cell phones, laptops and pcs? 
Okay .. so I am dating myself .. but once upon a time in the 'good ol' days' it really did exist when people sat to dinner together and had conversation.  

Do you remember when dialling long distance on a rotary phone took longer than the time we were allowed to speak to the person on the other end (dad would time us because "time is money!")
Do you remember when you had to get up to the tv if you wanted to turn it off or change the channel. 
Do you remember when microwaves first came out and our parents said not to stand in front of it while it was on so as we wouldn't be exposed to radiation?
Do you remember the communal typewriters (which at university was mine) .. when everyone took their papers to that one lucky person who had an electric typewriter and only had to hit enter for it to move to the next line rather than pushing the bar at the end of the roller?
Do you remember recording tape cassettes from the radio of all your favourite songs for roadtrips or the new love in your life?
Do you remember when cars only had wind down windows but lasted for more than 20 years?
Do you remember when polaroid cameras were the nearest thing to instant photography?
Do you remember riding a 50 cc moped in a mini skirt and having to push it up a hill because there wasn't enough power to get to the top and your skirt was too tight to pedal? (okay .. I guess this only applies to Bermudian girls)
Do you remember when the coolest kitchen gadget your mother had was a heated bag sealer for storing all of those home grown vegetables (yes we didn't always have zip lock bags!)

I guess the list is endless ... and also generation dependent ..  I could go on all night .. but will add to this from time to time .. the reason .. because I don't want to forget!  .. and I want to be able to explain these things to my son one day. 

I catch myself sometimes when chatting to my son or to Rachel at work and wonder if they have ever seen a certain gizmo that I am talking about - or know of a person to which I am referring who for our generation would have been a legend. 

Technology is changing so rapidly .. sometimes I don't even bother with trying to figure out the latest gadget because I know that by next week it will be replaced with a new one and I will still be trying to read the unbelievably non legible point zero font manual trying to find the English section amidst the 10 different languages.  Our society is such a disposable and wasteful one that objects are replaced before they are even obsolete.  One would be pressed to find a tape deck player in a car now I am sure .. let alone a record player or typewriter unless you can locate one in a very cool antique store.

Pretty scary to think that already the modern technologies we depended on 10  - 20 years ago have been relegated to the category of Antiques!!! (so what does that make me??) .. 

Geeeesh .. I didn't feel old until I started remembering .. maybe that's why we start forgetting as we get older .. so we don't realize just how old we are!

But ... I wouldn't want it any other way ... I treasure my memories.  That is why I write down so many precious moments or about my challenging times in my journals.  I want to be able to return to them and remember.  I want my son to understand me one day through adult eyes.

Our past is just as important as our future.
'Do you remember' moments help us appreciate our yesterdays.  
Remembering the past helps define who you are today. 
Remembering is how we connect with our relationships.
Remembering is how we recognize what we value.

Feel free to share your "do you remember" times, things, places and memories ... we all have them.

CPM to you.
cheers
sun

It was Rachel's idea!

Well, thanks Rachel!  Here I am - with too much to say and an endless stream of thoughts that I want to share. I used to jot down reflections, ideas, concerns, comments all in my journals just for my personal need to express what I needed to say.  Everyone kept saying I should write a book ... we even came up with a title: Chocolate Pudding Moments.  One day is now but in a different format - one I never would have expected from me .. and one that I hope I can grasp. 

I guess I should start by explaining the title Chocolate Pudding Moments. 

I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!
One winter's day, when the finances were at their usual bleak low as a self employed artist, I had a strong desire for chocolate (it really is a stress soother!) .. but couldn't afford to buy even a chocolate bar. Earlier in the year I had occasionally treated myself to the gorgeous Onken chocolate and hazelnut mousse cups .. but that certainly wasn't going to be on the shopping list for a few months! My son loved them too ..... and we missed the treat .. so I got creative - as all desperate chocolohic single self employed starving artist mothers do - and mixed some good ol' Cool Whip and Jello chocolate pudding mix to make our own Winter's mousse. .. but that too was a rationed treat .. just considerably less expensive.  Rations were gone ... or so I thought! 
Then came that day .. Rachel was in the studio with me and I went into the fridge desperately searching for a sweet fix.  I was overjoyed to discover that in that teeny little fridge was a teeny little container that I had put in the day before and forgot was there .. and in it was just enough of my chocolate pudding mousse concoction to rock my world!  I'll never forget my pure joy and excitement. I sat on a stool in the studio with my back to the shop and slowly savoured every spoon.  It was the miracle I needed to get me through that day.  That became a defining moment of what I would consider and appreciate as the blessings in my life.  Instead of waiting for the big whammy miracle that would pull me out of debt and get me through the winter ... I had discovered that even the tiniest of joys found in each day would be enough to sustain me. 

These little miracles, blessings or happenstances - however you view them .. they became my
CHOCOLATE PUDDING MOMENTS.

..... so when you find that rolled up dollar bill in an old winter's sweater .. just when you wanted a coffee
....  or when you get to the check out counter and the grocery bill is $49.73 and you didn't want to go over $50 because that's all you had in your wallet
..... and when you are given a bag of second hand clothes .. just when you were feeling you want a change

they may seem insignificant .. but these are the moments that help shape our day and it is the acknowledgement and appreciation of them that helps define who we are....

I wish for you a chocolate pudding moment when you need it most.