Alone or Lonely

When I found myself alone after 10 years of marriage I really struggled from the utter gut wrenching, overwhelming feeling of loneliness.  I would visit my wise friend Phyllis for words of encouragement. She had a little basket of rocks on which she would write down some of these spiritual enlightenments. One day  Phyllis picked a rock from the basket and gave it to me.
It's message has stuck with me:

"You can't be lonely if you like the person you are alone with."

I worked hard on trying to like this person that I would find myself alone with watching rental movies on a Friday night or going for a cathartic power walk.  There is still a lot of work to be done.

The nights alone became even more magnified when my son would spend an evening, the night or a special occasion with his father. 

I was the one that always wanted a large family and thought I would have several children.  Instead I found I was going backwards.  I was no longer married.  I haven't dated in 6 years ...  and now my son is spending more time apart from me as the teen years progress. 

The alone times are becoming more frequent and longer. 

Sometimes it is a struggle to get through the evening without sharing a word with someone else.  That's where talking to the cat is a great relief :)

Sometimes the weekend will slip by and I will realize that I haven't had a call or text from anyone or done anything social with friends. 

This is why social networking sites like Facebook have become so popular.  
We are social beings.
Being alone is not a good thing unless it is by choice and brings a sense of relaxation and rejuvenation .. something I longed for when my son was younger.  I couldn't wait for him to get older and less dependent on me so I could just have some "me-time". 

I take it all back!   I don't want "me-time"...   I want us time ..
Us with my friends.  Us with my family.   Us with my son.... and hopefully one day  "Us time" with a significant other again. 

We often manage to fill the alone times with distractions such as computer time, television or texting ... but are we preventing loneliness or just masking it?

If you want to discover if you have learned if you like the person you are alone with ... try turning off the DVD and go for a walk without an ipod ... find a quiet spot overlooking the ocean and just sit. 

Sit, stare, contemplate ....... does it feel good ... or does that ugh sinking feeling set in?

I think I am getting there ... but I also know that I am at my happiest when I have a home full of laughing teens.

So ... if you are feeling lonely ... turn off the distractions and just sit. 
Learn to like .. no, LOVE, the person you are alone with.  ....  you might be surprised .. they probably like you too!

Me, myself and I can be good company for a cup of tea ... we get on just fine .. most of the time!

CPM to you!  I hope for you a way to work through the lonely times .. and to learn to love the alone time.
Ciao for now.