"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann (1872 - 1945)

This is such a beautiful poem. I forgot how much it helped me make it through past challenging times when love seemed to be a fickle notion. On my way to the post office a few days ago, one of my friend's daughters was at the bus stop having just missed her school bus, so I gave her a ride. She pulled out the poem and told me she has to learn it for school - so I had her read it to me while I drove. Hearing it again, I knew I had to post it for others to read because the layered messages are timeless and golden ... just like the sound of silence and the pursuit of happiness.
It speaks volumes to me about living life true.

Enjoy!

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Who Am I?

When you were younger did an adult ever give you that finger wagging eye popping reprimand of "Excuse me missy, just who do you think you are?!" when you may have spoken out of place?
... well, time to answer ..who do you think you are?

Now that my son is spending more nights with his dad I have discovered that I have been tackling the question of "Who am I?".

For the past 15 years I have defined myself as "Mum"....

... and not just to my child as many of my friends know.

Now instead of making supper, packing lunch boxes and ironing school uniforms, my son is with his dad and I find myself challenged to change my school night routines to caring just for me. The first night I just sat and literally stared at a wall (or the interior equivalent on a boat). I had eaten, cleaned up and was in my pjs all by 7pm for the first week... and struggling to stay awake to a normal adult bedtime!

Tonight is the first night of daylight savings and it has helped a little by giving me time to go for a walk. But I dreaded going home to an empty boat and being alone so I walked about twice as long as normal. On my walk I saw a large group of other marina tenants at the local pub sitting outside laughing and chatting. I kept my head down and kept walking as I felt like an outsider....like someone who wasn't invited to the party and is staring through the frosty window feeling ostracized.

I know that is not their faults or intent .. but it is my perception of me because I have spent the past decade and a half defining my life by my role as a parent and have never felt like part of that social setting.

Last night my son was chatting on the phone to his best friend who had gone to a class mate's house to work on a school project .. but it had turned into a social gathering and my son said he could hear them all happy in the background and felt so left out.

I know exactly how he feels.

Is it because we have created an isolated life for ourselves by our lifestyle choices?

Is it because I am single with a child but most of my friends are married with several children and most of my neighbours are just single or without children? I don't know any other mums who I can say are like me ... divorced, single, one teenage son .. self employed and live on a boat. Even without the latter two .. having common traits with friends often is the reason you connect and do shared activities. And for my son, a similar scenario - all of his friends have siblings, live in two income homes, etc, etc ..

My son asked me today how I would describe him over the phone to someone who didn't know him ... I gave my reply (a very lengthy one of course) .. and then asked the same of him. His response was surprisingly flattering - "a hippy chick", "artsy" and another loving description that eludes me at the moment .. but nonetheless, it fascinated me that this was the same child who just a few days ago described me as "annoying". :)

Do we define ourselves by how others perceive us then?
Do we define ourselves by the roles we fulfill?
Do we define ourselves by our relationships with others?
Do we define ourselves by our lifestyle choices or cultural heritage?

I have been referred to by others as my parents' daughter, my siblings' sister, the potter's wife, my son's mum.
I have been called the travel agent, the pottery owner, the boat lady, a Somerset gal, country girl, nature person, goody two shoes, Mother Theresa, environmental activist, revolutionary!!!! ..
People have asked if I am South African, British, Australian, American, etc . because they cannot place my accent or the fact that I am a fair skinned, blue eyed Bermudian.

Why does anyone else really care .. and if I don't know who I am then how can they?

Who we are is not a simple answer because we are complex beings with multifaceted lives. I have to not let myself be pigeon holed, labelled or defined by others.

I have to find the definition of ME in me. ... and me is not the person sitting at the pub laughing nor the loner on the outside looking in ..

For now, the who I am that is most important to me is the Me called Mum.

Who Am I? Just ME .. and that's all I need to be. :)

How do you define YOU?

CPM to you.
cheers
xo ME

Trial by Fire

So I was last seen wallowing in self pity and struggling to find a CPM during a very tough time.
I believe this is what is commonly known as Faith.
My mum used to say "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
She was right .. it is that inexplicable proof that holding on to a belief that it will get better usually becomes evident after the fact .. but until such time you just have Faith that it will.

Such was our story.
I realize that the place I am in now is 10 times better than where I have been for the past 10 years -from an emotional and communicative perspective - especially in my role as a mother and in my views of myself as a divorcee.
However, I also acknowledge, as do others involved in the recent personal challenges we have experienced, that we would realistically not be in this healthier and more manageable position had we not gone through our trial by fire.

Bottom Line - life sucks sometimes and it gets pretty messy, ugly and really hard .. but you can't just walk away.
Like I said before - you reach a point of helplessness and realize that you have to ask for help and let the rest just be.
You have to hold on to Faith. You have to Believe. You have to look for those chocolate pudding moments just to keep you positive.

I would not have wished my challenges on anyone but I am utterly grateful for this Trial by Fire that helped burn away old misconceptions and assumptions and gave birth to our new beginning.

I feel like a new chapter has just been started on my Life Journey .. and one day I will fill you in on the story.

Thanks for letting me share.
Sometimes our CPMs are disguised as challenges and trials .. but when you look back on those times - they have often brought about significant changes that may not have otherwise occured.

Appreciating the tough stuff is just as important as celebrating the obvious rewarding moments.

CPM to you .. and remember if you are experiencing life's challenges - it may just be preparing you for something better.

cheers
sun :)